.:HSTuners::::Hondas Wanted:: |
06-09-2002, 06:53 PM
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#1 |
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Cyber-Sex Convo (WARNING: Explicit)
 Alain: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Alain: I'm 6'1" and about 160 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Alain: OK Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Alain: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Alain: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. Alain: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. Alain: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry. Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. Alain: I'll pay for it. Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder. Alain: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Alain: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Alain: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Alain: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: What? Alain: I'm so sorry. Really. Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Alain: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop. Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. Alain: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Alain: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. Sweetheart: What's the matter? Alain: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Sweetheart: Are you OK? Alain: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Sweetheart: Can I help? Alain: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink. Alain: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better. Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Alain: I'm washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you. Alain: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom? Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Alain: I found it. Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly. Alain: Me too. Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other. Alain: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses? Alain: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table. Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! Alain: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. Alain: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. Alain: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh! Sweetheart: What's the matter now? Alain: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. Alain: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know... woman's thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! Alain: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! Alain: I'm flaccid. Sweetheart: What? Alain: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face. Alain: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse. Alain: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles. Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. Alain: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! Alain: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Sweetheart: < |
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06-09-2002, 07:11 PM
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#2 |
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Insomniac Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: OR
Age: 44
Posts: 11,142
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That cracked me up. One of the funniest things I've read in a long time.
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1994 Accord EX coupe --Need hosting for your pics on HST? PM me...-- |
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06-09-2002, 08:13 PM
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#3 |
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ive seen another version... but this one's longer and funnier.
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06-09-2002, 08:15 PM
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#4 |
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LMAO that is dam good bro
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06-09-2002, 08:35 PM
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#5 |
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THE GENERAL
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Earth (usually)
Age: 43
Posts: 5,698
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haha, funny..
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HondaStyle.com Babysitter's Club Member #0  Soon to be >Dr Max Immuh< |
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06-09-2002, 08:52 PM
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#6 |
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Grafenwoehr, Germany
Age: 40
Posts: 1,255
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Moo.
OMFG few things i see on the internet make me laugh as hard as I did reading that...
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Black 2007 Mustang GT California Special "There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." - Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005 |
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06-09-2002, 10:54 PM
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#7 |
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The Grim Reaper
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: GA
Age: 45
Posts: 276
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your sh*ts WEAKSAUSE
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06-10-2002, 02:29 AM
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#8 |
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hahahhahahah LMAO
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06-10-2002, 02:25 PM
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#9 |
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elyK
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: New Braunfels, TX
Age: 38
Posts: 3,390
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IGNORE THE FACTS EXPLORE THE TRUTH |
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06-10-2002, 02:58 PM
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#10 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Winnipeg, MB
Age: 41
Posts: 3,821
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BAHAHAHA that took a while but was worth it!!
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06-10-2002, 03:13 PM
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#11 | |
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Mind Blowing
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Cloud 69
Age: 45
Posts: 8,871
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Quote:
yeah that's sh*ts old.....
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I  JDM. I My Honda The epitome of stupidity is expressed so fluidly with the shity lyric theory you try to spit at me.  I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER!!! |
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06-10-2002, 03:19 PM
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#12 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Age: 40
Posts: 2,856
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Haha... very very funny
Got in trouble at work... boss got mad at me for laughing too hard... was supposed to be working Oops
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yeah, its that big |
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06-10-2002, 05:32 PM
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#13 |
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Thought Police
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: orlando florida
Age: 41
Posts: 9,662
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hahaha good one.
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Black Vtec Prelude-h22a power'd  Many dreams come true, and some have silver linings. I live for my dreams and a pocket full of gold. |
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06-10-2002, 08:57 PM
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#14 | |
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Quote:
Brian...WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING AGAIN. "Cyber Sex convo"? Brian, are you have cyber sex ON THE INTERNET....AT WORK? *mumbling while leaving* crazy...stupid...teenagers...can't even...afford a hoe. |
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06-10-2002, 09:03 PM
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#15 |
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lmao that was so funny, my parents were lookin at me funny for laugin so hard
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06-11-2002, 01:37 AM
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#16 | |
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Thought Police
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: orlando florida
Age: 41
Posts: 9,662
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Quote:
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Black Vtec Prelude-h22a power'd Many dreams come true, and some have silver linings. I live for my dreams and a pocket full of gold. |
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