animals

[ebpda9]

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."

Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash.

Dad asked, "Where is Susie?"

The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.

The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at only $20.

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks

"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity"

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".

So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman "**** me, a ****ing new brothel and a ****ing new madam"

"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman indignantly, but she sees the funny side and let's it drop.

A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home. "A new brothel, a new madam, and now new ****ing prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters. "Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have at laugh at their filthy new pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband comes home. "Well **** me, a new brothel, a new madam, new ****ing whores, but the same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?" says the parrot.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Horses are at the gate:

1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Dick
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry

And away they go:
Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs, Big Dick is in a very dangerous spot.

In the back stretch:
It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.

Around the final turn:
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Dick is making a final drive. Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

At The Finish:
It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes through with one final sprint and wins by a head. Bare Belly shows. Heavy Bosom weakens and Thighs pull up. Clean Sheets never had a chance.

The winner, Big Dick by a head.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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A woman had a female parrot which kept saying, 'Hello, I am very horny.
Do you want to have some fun?' She was frantic, so she went to her Pastor
to find a solution to the problem. The Pastor said, 'Bring your bird to my
house. I have two male parrots who read the bible and pray all the time.
They will be a good influence on her.' So, the woman brought the parrot to
his house and put her parrot into the cage with the two male birds. She
squawked, 'Hello, I am very horny. Do you want to have some fun?' One
male parrot looked at the other one and said, 'Put away the Bible, Fred,
our prayers have been answered.'