Pair of JOhnKErry JOKEs...

[Wren57]

John Kerry is out jogging one morning and notices Little Hannah on the
corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to Little Hannah and says, "What's
in the box, kid?"

Little Hannah says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."

Kerry laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"

"Democrats," says Little Hannah.

"Oh that's cute," he says and goes on his way.

A few days later, John Kerry is running with his buddy, John Edwards, and
he spies Little Hannah with her box of kitten just ahead. He says to John,

"You gotta check this out," and they both jog over to Little Hannah.

Kerry says, "Look in the box, John, isn't that cute? Look at those little
kittens. Hey, kid, tell my friend John what kind of kittens they are."

Little Hannah replies with a sigh, "They're Republicans."

"Whoa!" John Kerry says, "I came by here the other day and you said they
were Democrats. What's up?"

"Well," Little Hannah explains, "their eyes are open now."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


NAME: John Kerry

RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).

EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).

MILITARY:
I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).

I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam (four months).

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".

I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.

I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE
WHEN VOTING IN 2004, AND PLEASE PASS THE INFORMATION ON TO YOUR FRIENDS!!

[GT40FIED]

Seriously man...who's providing more fodder for jokes these days...really? Oh...and even if those were just random jokes about anyone...they're lame.

[mavaaoife]

eh..... i agree steve

[Kyle]

It's funny because it's true. lol

[GT40FIED]

The big problem with those is that you could change the names and a few words and you'd have a joke about the other guy. Like in the first joke, if I replaced "John Kerry" with "George Bush", "John Edwards" with "Dick Cheney", and switched the words "republican" and "democrat" with each other where applicable...I'd have essentially the same joke, different people. As for the second one...I can't even begin to describe the many many MANY ways you could make Bush look like an ass. So, as you see...it's all a moot point.

[Wren57]

wtf steve? im drunk and stoned, and normally agree with you, but you seem more and more pro-kerry with every post. its ok to disgaree, but damn, at least have a sense of humor about yourself...

[GT40FIED]

Actually I hate both of the candidates...just one less than the other. And honestly, I would laugh at those jokes if they weren't so generic and trite. It's hard to have a sense of humor about things that aren't really funny. The only reason I might seem pro-Kerry is because I'm rabidly anti-Bush.

[Kyle]

Hey steve...Why do you even consider voting if you're so against both of the candidates?...I know you say Kerry's the lesser of the two evils...but is that really a good reason to vote for somebody?...because they're less evil...Also i know your stance on abortion and i agree with it. Is that really the only reason you're voting for him?...and i'm not trying to be sarcastic, i'm just curious on your stance in all this.

[GT40FIED]

Well...my reasons for voting for Kerry (if I don't send avwrite in vote for myself...which would rule) are twofold. First of all, this country has virtually no third party system which is a joke. In this country people can't accept the fact that you can be neither republican or democrat. You just about have to be one or the other. The closest we've ever come to a real 3rd party candidate was Perot...and look what happened there. Secondly, living in a democratic society would imply that you believe in the best man for the job. To me, Bush has had hish chance, shown he's a fuck up, and I like what I'm hearing from Kerry better. Even though he's by no means leaps and bounds better, I look at Kerry as the better man for the job. Do I think Kerry will be able to put more than 25% of his ideas into action? No...especially not if the congress is still controlled by republicans. I just think Bush had a unique chance to do something really incredible with this country given all that's happened in the world in the last 3 3/4 years and he basically bent us over and did us dry. We're a punchline to a joke in the 2/3 of the world that hates us because of this guy and his lackeys. I'd like to see that change and Bush isn't so much as suggesting that he'd even try. It's his way or no way. That's not the way shit's supposed to work. For further information, read my post about Howard Zinn on the "war on terror".