And this is what happens....

[Whiteclipse99]

....when I finally put myself out there.


I've liked this guy, Rob, a bouncer at a club I go to every Friday night for a few months now. He found out early on that I liked him, thanks in part to my one friend. One night she took the liberty of telling him that she has a friend (and pointed to me) that wants to talk to him, but doesn't know how and he told her to tell me to look for him at the end of the night. So at the end of the night I talk to him and at the end of our talk I ask him for his number (which is not like me at all, I don't know what I was thinking!), but he didn't give it to me and instead asks if I'm going to be at this bar that he knows I usually go to on Wed. and I say yes of course and he said that he might be there. Well Wed. night comes and he's at the bar. Of course being the wimp that I am I don't talk to him till the end of the night and the convo was short because he had to go. (he usually doesn't go out on Wed. because he's student teaching, which I took as a good sign that he at least showed up that one Wed.)

Well, Friday nights at the club come and go and the most we ever converse is "hi, how are you" at the beginning of the night and "bye, have a nice weekend" at the end of the night. When we would pass each other I would usually get a smile and sometimes when he would stand and watch the crowd I would catch him staring at me. So after a couple of weeks of this going on I finally work up all the courage I have to ask him out this past Friday. I think, he's giving me pretty good signs so I should just go for it or else I'll regret it. Well I finally do and I get turned down!! I simply asked him if he wanted to go out sometime and he hesitated a bit and then said that he doesn't date girls that go to the club because it's a conflict of interest. Of course I was completely crushed, but I said that was fine and that I understood. This is what happens when I finally put myself out there! I never ask guys out, simply because I'm too shy and I'm afraid of being rejected and now I know why. I just thought I'd share my pain and I guess my accomplishment with everyone. Guess this is why they call them crushes.....you get crushed!

awww, that sucks

It seems strange that he turned you down tho. Maybe the first time you talked to him, you should've given him your number and asked him to call you

Congrats on having larger ballitos than me.

I could see where he's coming from, though, so I wouldn't take it too hard if I were you.

b

[Violent Apathy]

Erin I dont think you should be complaining about putting yourself out there. Consider for a moment that you read the situation wrong or reacted incorrectly. I'd have to say that if you're not used to asking for a guys number but you decided to ask him, that you could have possibly come on too strong.

I highly doubt you did though and so this leads me to another thought. I know personally if i girl asks for my number my guard goes up. I've always had bad experiences with girls who make the first contact, and i'm pretty sure i'm not alone on this one. Maybe he too has had troubles with girls that make the first move, you never know whats going on in his head.

Lastly (sorry this is winded) I wouldn't ever date a girl I meet at a club either. If i was a bouncer or not, it just wouldn't happen. I wouldn't mind dating/seeing a girl that enjoyed going to clubs but meeting her there would be a problem for me. You rarely get to meet the "real" girl that night and it just seems to bring out the fakeness in people. Considering I feel this way after only visiting a few clubs, maybe as a bouncer he has deeper insight into the "types" that like to club. Rightly or wrongly he has labeled you as one of those "types" and from the sounds of it didn't make any move, because if he did he would have asked for your number. Just like guys can miss read a girl who is simply being nice and smiling, i believe a girl can miss read the situation as well.

Dont let this stop you from looking for the right guy, just maybe clubs and bars shouldn't be the only place you look.

Rob

I'm really sorry that happened. I know how you feel because I've been in a similar situation...a few times. It hurts in the beginning but after a week or two it all goes away. Don't worry and baby keep your head up (I believe that last part is from a tupac song, no?)

[DsBlu01CivEX]

I just wanted to add....I wasn't the friend that took the liberty of telling him that Erin was too shy to talk to him and what not. But I'm really proud of her cuz she had the "balls" to do something I don't think I could do.

[Whiteclipse99]

Thank you guys for making me feel a little better! I guess I can't shake the "club" stereotype. It's a shame he can't see past that (if that's the case) cause he would find that I'm a really fun, interesting, good person aside from my club going. I go to the club to dance, have a good time and to see my friends I only see at the club. I don't go to pick up guys....look at them yes, but not pick up. It just so happens one caught my eye this time, but he works there, so that's a little different. And I heard that he was good guy.

If he is a good guy then the chances of him having been burned at some point in the past is probably pretty good. Could have been him or a buddy getting in some bad situation with dating a customer or something....

I could come up with a pile of scenarios that would make me say the same thing if I were a bouncer.

Just pick yourself up and chase down the next lucky guy in a non-stalker-crazy-girl manner.

Along the lines of what Rob said, though....I like the idea of a girl asking me out, but it does make me wonder sometimes what's up because it's very different from the norm....

b

Nah, that rules when they do. I like a girl that can do that sort of thing. Shows she's not scared.

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by spoogenet
Along the lines of what Rob said, though....I like the idea of a girl asking me out, but it does make me wonder sometimes what's up because it's very different from the norm....

b

Because I was the one interested in him, I was the one who had to do the pursuing. As bad as I am at it, I probably would of never asked him out if I though he wasn't slightly interested. I guess I'll have to learn how to pick up on the signs of interest better next time.

Nah, that rules when they do. I like a girl that can do that sort of thing. Shows she's not scared.

Ah, but I was! Completely scared!

Ah, but I was! Completely scared!

Don't matter, you did it. It's cool when that happens

[BlackWolf]

Don't get too hard on yourself! He might have a different view seeing all these girls at the club acting crazy and mistakenly thought that you were one too. If he's been looking for you "through a crowed room" yes, that does mean he is interested but maybe he's not sure how to handle it because he's been burned before. Don't give up on the chase just yet. Let him get to know you better and see if he asks you out. I'm not saying be aggressive just say hi and have short conversations about things like you already have. Just give it time. He'll see you're not a "club girl'. Maybe it would help if your friend tells him that you're really shy. I've asked a guy out before and it does get easier each time but also remember the attraction may be one sided and you might get turned down too. One thing I've noticed about guys is that they LOVE a woman who exudes CONFIDENCE. In her manner, in her walk, in her clothing, everything. I'm not knocking being shy, I am too but when I want to talk to a guy, I think that I'll never know if he was the right one, so I have to step up to the plate and begin with "Hi". If he smiles and continues the conversation, I take that as a good sign. Although it doesn't hurt that I love to flirt too. You go girl and keep your head up.

[Whiteclipse99]

Thanks BlackWolf! I think I'm gonna keep trying...at least I'm going to keep talking to him. I don't want him to think I'm weirded out because he turned me down. I want to show him that I'm a good person and worth getting to know and now that the whole "ask him out" ordeal is out and over with it might be easier for me to talk to him. Hmm, we'll see, I'll keep ya posted!

Don't worry.Its only ONE guy but if he took the time to find out from someone who you really were he probably wouldn't be as hesitant plus....its all about business like he said.Sounds like he would talk to u without a problem if you didn't meet at the club...maybe you should follow him when he gets off work and pretend you bump into him elsewhere and then the two of you would be talking...j/k...thats stalkerish.

[nonovurbizniz]

Just be yourself... you obviously stepped outside of your personality... making you look unconfortable...

Your friend had already talked to him about you and then you were probobly awkward... then when you tell him to meet you at the club wed. you blow him off all night till the end because you were scared..

he probobly thinks your nuts...

If you had gone up to him and had a good night with him I'm sure you guys would've ended up dating... he wouldn't have met you there if he wasn't up to the idea...

It's the time in between of you doing nothing and making no contact that has probobly put him off.

If you really want to date him then just be normal and yourself around him... and explain at some point (don't do it all crazy) that you were being all crazy because you don't usually talk to guys... he'll probobly like that he got you all flustered.

Once he sees your normal (this is assuming that you are) I'm sure things will progress....

Guys don't like being overtly asked OUT because...
1. It's confusing... it doesn't happen often.
2. Usually girls who ask you out are nuts and have some bizarre ideal of what you are like before they have met you.
3. It may mean a night of paying for stuff with no result.


Your biggest problem is you waited too long.... If you feel someway about someone make it known or act on it otherwise if there's a hint then nothing a guy will just get confused.

It's like if you tease your dog with treats but don't give him any eventually (not long) he will stop playing.

Not to say your a tease... your indecision has made it appear this way to him.

Anyway... long post--->short:

It's not a big deal... NOTHING is a big deal... just go up and talk if he (whoever) doesn't like you great... there's 1000 dudes out there who would die to get your number.

buck up little camper.

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by nonovurbizniz
he probobly thinks your nuts...



buck up little camper.

He probably does think I'm nuts!....that and that I'm just some club ditz who tries to hook up with as many random guys as possible.


"buck up little camper".......hehe, that's cute! and thanks for the advice!

[Racing Rice]

Cheer up Erin!

Its his loss... Dont let this get you down. Any guy would be lucky to have a girl like you, Im sure. Keep your chin up and just enjoy life. Its not worth letting stupid things like this get you down.

He's right ya know.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

You know Erin...I just thought of this (I'm a lil slow so sue me!)...You know I graduate May 17th and so does he. Sooooooo....maybe while at our graduation, you'll run into him and he'll see that you're a normal girl and do other things than go out to bars and what not. I dunno, it's sort of a long shot...but hell it could work.

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
You know Erin...I just thought of this (I'm a lil slow so sue me!)...You know I graduate May 17th and so does he. Sooooooo....maybe while at our graduation, you'll run into him and he'll see that you're a normal girl and do other things than go out to bars and what not. I dunno, it's sort of a long shot...but hell it could work.

Or he'll just think I'm stalking him!

[nonovurbizniz]

^

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
Or he'll just think I'm stalking him!

but you'll be there with my family...and you did tell him that I am a senior there too...and he always sees us together....






























but you're right...He's a dumb boy and won't put 2 and 2 together. And you'll be there with my family and he'll definitely think you're psycho then!

Ok Erin, I don't know if anyone said this but it is really possible that this guy can have a girlfriend that he just keeps mum about for the sake of going out and meeting the ladies. You said that he checks you out and whatnot. And he also inquired about that bar on that Wed. That could be why he did not give you his cell #. It is very unfortunate but I know people that are like that. I'm not single anymore but if I ever used to ask the guys out, I would usually just go up to them at the bar or whatever and make small talk for awhile first. That way you can get a good feel for one another, you know?

Aw, that sux Erin, I'm sorry that happened.

See, I've ended up like you b/c at my house, when I was younger, my dad was the stereotypical, crazy dad that thinks every boy is out to get his sweet lil girl.

Anyway, he had the rule that me or my sister couldn't call people of the male persuasion OR talk to them first, OR make first contact whatsoever. Now that I'm out on my own, I find myself still holding on to those rules? I don't know why I do that? Might just be my way of safe guarding.

Anyway, I understand, and that sux. His loss girl! On to the next one!

Meh I know what it feels like, and I am a guy. I am so terribly shy and have very low self-esteem (stemmed from getting rejected 8.5 billion times).

So I still give you the props for asking him. Hell I woulda been flattered if ANYONE showed any intrest in me.

yeah im shy ima guy and it sucks like whoa