Men Only....

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Q: Why do men break wind more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt
her.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
"Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.