The Fast and the Furious 2: Torqueless in Woodbridge (where I live)

this is from another board.....



The Fast and the Furious is full of shit. It makes your average gino look like a super-hero, which is straight bullshit. They should make a more realistic Fast and Furious Part 2: Woodbridge Style! Let me set up the scenario:

It's Friday night in a Tim Horton's parking lot in Woodbridge with 18
ginos crowded around 2 civics talking about how they almost stabbed
someone at the club they were just at. All of a sudden another crew
pulls into the parking lot with their civics pumping Euro Heaven. The
first crew of ginos tense up as they see the next crew park their civics
to lounge around as well.

The crews spot each other. Hard looks are exchanged.

Finally a gino from the first crew decides to go into the Tim Hortons
with his girlfriend so she can buy him a sangwich and juice. As the
gino and his girlfriend go towards the Tim Horton's they walk past the
other crew of ginos. Street heat is generated.

All of a sudden "Hey what are you looking at?"
“What?”
"Yo what are you @#%$ looking at?"
"Bro you wanna start something?"
"Oh my god, bro, you are not talking to me"
"Get out of my face before I give you the zaps"

All of a sudden the first crew notice their friend is in trouble. They
speed over. Everyone rushes in and talks about stabbing each other but
no one actually fights. Then...

"Yo I say we line it up"
"You wanna line it up with me?"
"What you afraid?"
"Bro I'll smoke you. My civic has dual turbo exhaust trans cam shafts."
"Bro, mine has a super charged rear front differential boost system"

They continue to brag about how they each spent over $10,000 souping up
their rides even though they both work for minimum wage doing retail in
the local mall.

Finally they line it up. Engines rev, and the ginos' 14 year old
girlfriends wish them luck. They speed off blazing down Highway 7 3:00
a.m. on a Friday night.

Both ginos are really scared because although they talk like they race a
lot, neither of them has really ever lined it up before.

As he speeds down the road the first gino thinks to himself, "what would
the guy from the Fast and the Furious do if he were me?" He then
remembers a scene from the movie and goes to push the nitro button
hidden on his steering wheel. He however is disappointed to discover
there is no nitro button on his steering wheel because stupid @#%$ like
that only exists in Hollywood movies that try and glorify ginos.

He then hears on the radio that Cameroon has beaten Italy in World Cup
qualifying. He starts to panic. His world is crumbling around him.
Suddenly he spins off the road and crashes into a lamppost, then
rebounds right into the front glass of the local Blockbuster where his
best friend works.

He is still alive but his car is on fire. He knows he only has moments
to escape before the car explodes. He goes for the door but is shocked
to discover he can't make it because his super big loop earring is
hooked on a piece of the front seat, trapping him in the car.

He sees his friend in the Blockbuster and cries out, "Lorenzo, please
help me! Oh my god!"

BOOOOOOOM! Too late. The explosion takes place leveling the entire
complex.

Further down Highway 7 the other gino is still speeding away because his
windows are so tinted he can't see the other car has already crashed and
is out of the race. As he drives he imagines Limp Bizkit's "my way"
playing in the back of his head.

All of a sudden he remembers that he has that CD cause he made his
girlfriend buy it for him. He goes into his CD compartment, grabs the
disc and puts it in to play. Everything is cool. Or so he thinks.

He has forgotten that he had his stereo set on super bass. All of a
sudden the bass from his souped up system shakes the car so badly it
causes engine failure. His car crashes into the local prison. Crawling
out from the wreck, he is dismayed to find himself inside an inmate’s
cell.

The prisoner stares at the gino. The long streaked hair, baby smooth
face and shiny loop earrings lead the prisoner to believe that the gino
is actually a woman and he rushes the poor gino. He easily tears away
the ginos Kappa button up joggers and has at him. The prisoner handles
the gino in a style that is both fast and furious. Later the gino is
naked and wandering the streets, sore and ashamed. He uses his white
Nike headband hanging around his neck to wipe the tears from his eye.

The night truly has been Fast and Furious.

The End



When I read this I laughed my ass off. To some extent, they really described some of the Italians well!