.:HSTuners::

ewaugh · 07-15-2004, 12:52 PM

Anyone on here ever owned a British Car?

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Definition of panic: _You're an astronaut in your spaceship awaiting liftoff. _You look around the cockpit and spot the plaque that says "Electrics by Lucas."

"With my MINI, I have had to resort to using things like dipsticks to check the fluid levels instead of following the old advice:

'If it's not leaking, it's empty' "

IALuder · 07-15-2004, 02:09 PM

may i ask what was this about?

funny in all. but i didnt get some of it.

ewaugh · 07-15-2004, 02:29 PM

Lucas Electronics were used in a lot of British cars, espically old Jags, Rovers, and the like. Well, they never really worked all that great and people, espically people that try to rebuild a old british car, hate it.

BlackWolf · 07-15-2004, 04:18 PM

My brother had a old white TR4 for awhile. It was mad fun while he had it but DAMN I gotta agree with you on most of that. I felt like we needed to have a oil tanker behind us in case we ran out of oil before we got to the next street. EVERYTHING leaked and I mean EVERYTHING. He wired the ignition so it started everytime but he only drove it in the daytime 'cause the other lights never worked.

07-15-2004, 12:52 PM	#1
ewaugh Registered User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: AL Posts: 86	Lucas-Prince of Darkness Anyone on here ever owned a British Car? The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark." Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness." Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper. Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp. The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE. The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products. "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob... If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either. Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank. It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance. Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!" Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck. Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer. Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators. Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit. Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant." Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency. Definition of panic: _You're an astronaut in your spaceship awaiting liftoff. _You look around the cockpit and spot the plaque that says "Electrics by Lucas." "With my MINI, I have had to resort to using things like dipsticks to check the fluid levels instead of following the old advice: 'If it's not leaking, it's empty' " __________________ "Drive Carefully: 90% of all people are caused by accidents"

07-15-2004, 02:09 PM	#2
IALuder Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Des Moines IA Age: 39 Posts: 7,908	may i ask what was this about? funny in all. but i didnt get some of it. __________________ 93 Si H23vtec......soon to be 12lbs 95 Civic EX....automatic DD if you cant dazzle them with your brillance, baffle them with your bullshit.

07-15-2004, 02:29 PM	#3
ewaugh Registered User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: AL Posts: 86	Lucas Electronics were used in a lot of British cars, espically old Jags, Rovers, and the like. Well, they never really worked all that great and people, espically people that try to rebuild a old british car, hate it. __________________ "Drive Carefully: 90% of all people are caused by accidents"

07-15-2004, 04:18 PM	#4
BlackWolf La Loba Loca Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Nor Cal Posts: 1,016	My brother had a old white TR4 for awhile. It was mad fun while he had it but DAMN I gotta agree with you on most of that. I felt like we needed to have a oil tanker behind us in case we ran out of oil before we got to the next street. EVERYTHING leaked and I mean EVERYTHING. He wired the ignition so it started everytime but he only drove it in the daytime 'cause the other lights never worked. __________________ Does the noise in my head bother you??

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