A Crappy Date (A True Story)

I found this on another board and decided to post it here. There are a few other versions of this out on the net so if you read this already, excuse me.


A Crappy Date (A True Story)

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night.

Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back.

Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again.

So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees.

They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up.

He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh crap," he thinks (and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy.

On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap.

Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?" he asks.

"No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies. They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up.

Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away) "Just the pants." "What?" asks the Gap girl.

"Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.) Gap girl: "Oh, OK."

He pays for the pants and walks over to his date; then they leave the store. They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out...just the sweater.

[94_AcCoRd_EX]

Ahahahahahahahaha That would suck.

[ebpda9]

lmao

thats good shit...it happened to me..

[a96710]

lol...man that'd suck

ive heard it before but it makes me laugh every single time

i would sit in the bathroom an cry

Originally posted by PoleMan14
i would sit in the bathroom an cry

Why not wear the sweater like one of those Irish Kilts

lol

ewwww :( poor fella.

wonder if he put the sweater on like a pair of pants, with his legs through the arms and a big hole in the middle... LOL

Guys, you'll probably all get mad at me for saying this...but, that's what he gets for trying to fart and get away with it at the dinner table. If I was ever out to dinner and all of a sudden it smelled like someone ripped ass, I would automatically suspect the person sitting at the table with me. ESPECIALLY if it was really strong. Think about it. If you're right near someone and they do that, it's really bad. But, if you catch a faint whiff of one then that means that someone farther away probably did it and you're catching it thinned out by the air. And for him to do that AT THE TABLE. That could have created the "Dutch Oven" effect.

[ChrisCantSkate]

thats too funny

[Addict]

Bahahaahaha

Originally posted by msvtec14
Guys, you'll probably all get mad at me for saying this...but, that's what he gets for trying to fart and get away with it at the dinner table. If I was ever out to dinner and all of a sudden it smelled like someone ripped ass, I would automatically suspect the person sitting at the table with me. ESPECIALLY if it was really strong. Think about it. If you're right near someone and they do that, it's really bad. But, if you catch a faint whiff of one then that means that someone farther away probably did it and you're catching it thinned out by the air. And for him to do that AT THE TABLE. That could have created the "Dutch Oven" effect.

Hey sometimes you can't supress it. Everything below the waste has a mind of their own. We have no control over that area.

Originally posted by Civic_Addict
Bahahaahaha


Hey sometimes you can't supress it. Everything below the waste has a mind of their own. We have no control over that area.

Hey, not to give to much info but if I can control my ass why can't guys? If you really need to float one, just go to the bathroom. Especially at dinner.

[Addict]

Originally posted by msvtec14
Hey, not to give to much info but if I can control my ass why can't guys? If you really need to float one, just go to the bathroom. Especially at dinner.

It always depends on previous as to whether they have a stench. Certain things react to make a bad odor. Most of the time its just like hot air(probably leaking from our heads). And in this weather, warmth is good.

Originally posted by Civic_Addict
It always depends on previous as to whether they have a stench. Certain things react to make a bad odor. Most of the time its just like hot air(probably leaking from our heads). And in this weather, warmth is good.

Yeah, but how can you really determine the outcome? I don't know where you're from that your farts don't stink and that they're just like hot air.

[Addict]

Originally posted by msvtec14
Yeah, but how can you really determine the outcome? I don't know where you're from that your farts don't stink and that they're just like hot air.

Oh you can tell. There's almost always a pre-fart. You can feel it. It takes many years of experience to be able to determine the outcome.

Seriously though. It has ALOT to do with your diet. I rarely have gas that reaks.

[ChrisCantSkate]

Originally posted by Civic_Addict
Oh you can tell. There's almost always a pre-fart. You can feel it. It takes many years of experience to be able to determine the outcome.

Seriously though. It has ALOT to do with your diet. I rarely have gas that reaks.

a fart expert! ahah... im pretty good on the smell, i can tell by the determination of it trying to get out and what ive eaten recently... i dunno.. i guess its like a extra sense that guys pick up, it sometimes fails though

i wonder if its possible to get a PhD in Fartology

[Addict]

Originally posted by Shot 2 Hel
i wonder if its possible to get a PhD in Fartology

For $5 I'll give you one.

ROFL. ROFL. This is by far the most intellectual debate on farts that I have ever seen in my life. I'm not one of those girls thats like, "Ewe, oh MY GOD, girls don't do that and I can't believe so and so just did that!". They're a part of life and how our bodies function. Me personally, I would never do that in front of a guy. BUT, I will be on the floor if someone else does it given that it's the appropriate time and place. Obviously dinner is just not one of them. That's just sick. I don't want to smell that while I'm eating. I have very good table manners and I expect that the people that I'm around should too.

[ebpda9]

Originally posted by Shot 2 Hel
i wonder if its possible to get a PhD in Fartology

here is a start:

if it's loud-- they don't stink
if it's silent--run for the gas mask