[nonovurbizniz]

^ You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

I agree with you, however don't think I could over come that.

I have had trust issues with my wife for quite a while (she introduced herself as 23 or 24 when she was 27 or 28 and didn't tell me for almost a year. (INCLUDING a birthday where I gave her a card with an incorrect age on it)).

I feel VERY similarly to you... at one point my wife WAS a FANTASTIC gf and wife... and I was the dick who had all sorts of issues to work out on my own. And I think that's what I'm holding onto... However I've certainly come to a point where it's pretty obvious she's just not trying... Now I don't know if that's because she has her own demons to deal with before she can commit to making the relationship work or if she just doesn't have interest in making it work... but it's getting old.

Same time I COMPLETELY agree with you about leaving it to her to prove herself... and not in a high pressure way (IE she can't be proving herself 24 hrs a day everyday... some days she will be tired or in a bad mood herself) that seems to be my biggest problem at this point... I can't let all the little things go... she's not doing anything terrible but she's not trying and frankly that really hurts...

My only suggestion would be (and it is a bit extreme but frankly it's deserved)... Have a PI follow her... It will put you mind at ease and frankly I don't know how I'd manage to put mine at ease in the same situation w/o KNOWING... and there is NO way to KNOW short of having someone PROVE it.

Course I also wouldn't like the idea of sending some dude to go watch my wife at her every turn... but if she had cheated it would be that or I'd leave. That's one thing I just can't tolerate.

Cheating is about self-validation, and unfortunately keeping a relationship with the person you cheated on CAN have the EXACT same motivation. Be VERY critical of where you see her motivation coming from.

Another thing that everyone here needs to keep in mind is that she hadn't ever been with anyone else... that alone could be enough to fuel a cheat. Although satisfiing curiosity is a VERY slippery slope.

ANYWAY I've rambled enough... I truly wish you ALL the best and hope it all works out in the long run.

Keep in mind that damn near EVERYONE's parents have stories they never would or should share with their kids.