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Originally Posted by GT40FIED
Jeremy...I hate to say this, but I'm going to have to disagree witn everyone else. I've been in your position before (minus the marriage part...I hope to never be married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I love someone). After a good deal of thought and a lot of talking with friends, I realized that there was no way that the original trust I had with my then-girlfriend would ever be fully restored. I'm sure you came about this decision with no light thought, but is this really a story you want to tell your kids someday? No, I don't think you're crazy or foolish or whatever...I think your judgement is clouded by whatever you want to call love. Since love means different things to different people, I won't try and quantify it here. I'll just say that it makes you acts ilogically and on impulses that don't suit your best interests. You feel compasion for the mate you have chosen...that's natural. However given her actions thus far I'm not convinced she shares that same sense of emotion. Imagine the situation was reversed and you were the woman. Imagine that the breach of trust had not been infidelity, but rather physical abuse. Would you still hang around and bow to the pleas of your partner? Because that's all cheating is...abuse. It's not physical, but it is sure as shit mental abuse. She might as well come up and slap you in the face with the fact that she fucked around on you. If you're willing to second guess yourself every time she goes out for the night, that's up to you. Personally it'd drive me insane which is why once that bond has been broken, no amount of crying over the phone can bring it back.
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Steve,
You make valid points, but I can't say that I agree with you. I understand that you've been hurt before. I have as well, this isn't the first time and I can only hope that it is the last. Yes, the trust thing is a big issue but I don't believe that trust can not be rebuilt. Maybe YOU won't let the trust be rebuilt, but that is issues that you personally have to workout. Unfortunately, before you can trust someone else you have to learn how to get ahold of your own emotions and be in control of them. Is it easy? Hell no it isn't! Does it happen over night? Hell no it doesn't? However, I do believe it is possible. If you can't trust anyone that has ever lied to you about something, big or small then you probably don't communicate with many people whether it be friends or family
Can you honestly say that you have never told a lie to anyone whether it be big or small? If you have, think about one of those more serious lies then think about the reason you lied to that person. Should you have lied to that person? Should that person never trust you again, because of that lie?
I think it is safe to say that probably have lied to someone about something at one time in life, whether it was to keep yourself out of trouble or protect someones feelings. Yes it is wrong, but lying doesn't make you a bad person for the rest of your life.
To be completely honest with you. In my mind it was over and convincing myself to even give her another chance was very, very difficult. I definately wouldn't say that it was an impulse move to let her come back home. As a matter of fact, she still hasn't moved her stuff back in yet. The only thing she has here is a bag of clothes and it's been a month. Hell, we are still sleeping on a blowup air mattress. I'm not rushing into anything. I do know though, that I have to work on myself and hope that she is doing what she knows is right. I can't change anyone but myself.
As for just letting her go.. Who is to say the next one will be better? Or the one after that one? I know what the one I have now is capable of, I can only hope that she wants to be with me as much as she says she does.
Nothing against you Steve, it sounds to me that you have personal issues with relationships that you need to workout with yourself. I don't know you, or your history so I'm not trying to judge you, I'm just being honest.
I've seen people rebuild marriages and relationships from situations much worse then what I'm going through. I would have rather tried and failed, then never have tried at all.