[ChrisCantSkate]

Originally posted by juvenile

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date
other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise,
once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her
until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound
of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.
When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me
to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull
into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter
home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come
inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

all of them are funny, but these are my favs!