So for those of you who don't know (which is everyone), I volunteer some of my time on an internet site where people send in car questions and I answer them (usually). The problem is that lately I've been getting the most malformed and retarded questions I've ever seen...and I've been doing this for a couple of years with anywhere from 10-15 questions a day. Here's a couple examples of why you should be glad you're not me. Names have been with held to protect the stupid. These are real questions. I couldn't make this up if I tried.
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MY CHECK ENGINE LIGHT COMES ON AND THE CAR IS SLUGISH I CHECK THE AIR FILTER THAT WAS CLEAN COULD IT BE THE FUEL FILTER IF SO WHERE IS IT LOCATED?
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First of all, CAPS LOCK, MOTHERFUCKER! Second of all, try using some damn punctuation. I should be sainted for putting up with this level of bullshit.
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Where do i begin. I just rebuilded my motor. and replace my trans with a lincoln mark 8 tranny. But still useing the mustang torque converter. The car does want to get up and go. Also, when drivin loss of power. I can put the gas pedel to the floor and the rpm wont go up but idles. And backfires from the intake hoes. I turn the car off then restart it and powers back. The engine sounds really healthy but the car does not want to go. Its just been a real bad head ach. Its seems whatever i do nothing seems to work. Im lookin for a mustang tranny to put back in it. thanks for any help u can give me.
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Go on...count the spelling and grammar errors. You know you want to.
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i was going to work and my car just died it has all light but it want crack. it acts like it wants to through.
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Apparently this woman's car wants crack before it will start. And Kudos to her on telling me the make, model, year, etc. Moron.
This might have been a good, to the point question if it made any sense or actually involved a question mark (or puncuation of any kind for that matter). Ironically, this was sent by someone named Ben. Seriously Ben...quite sending me questions.
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My 1994 Ford Explorer revs up to 5-6 RPMs soon as you turn it on, I have checked the butterfly, wires, springs and even disconnected the cruise control from the steering whell with no relief. I thought I should try pulling the fuse to the cruise control but since I bought the truck used and do not have the owners manual I have no idea which fuse to pull? Could you advise and/or give me any other ideas to try?
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Last one...this woman was on the right track until she veered off course into a head on collision with stupid. Checking the "butterfly" (throttle body, I assume) was a good idea, but when that didn't work why would you automatically think cruise control? The springs? Which ones? Huh? And if you car is only revving 5-6rpms, that's hardly anything to worry about. Now 5000-6000rpms is what she probably meant, but she gets docked a grade for pissing me off.
To prove I'm not as much of an ass as most people think I am, I assure you that I actually did answer these questions as best I could in simple, usually monosyllabic phrases so the recipients could understand them. Holy shit...I'm such a philanthropist.