[GT40FIED]

Ok...so for the last couple months I;ve been on this huge kick of Asian movies. When I say "Asian", I mean movies from Japan, China, and Hong Kong (I know Hong Kong is in China, but it's got it's own little movie industry going. So here's my top 10 pics for movies that will make you realize (even moreso) that Hollywood can suck your ass dry.

1. Battle Royale. The tagline for this movie was "could you kill your best friend?" and it actually makes you wonder if you could. It's a film about forty two 14 or 15 year olds who are put on a deserted island and forced to kill each other within a 3 day period to see who is worthy of rejoinging society. This film was completely trashed by the christian right when it came out so you know it's gotta be good. Buy it before some douche bag politicians ban it.

2. Battle Roayle II: Requiem. A sequel to the first, but the winners of the first game (and subsequent games) have formed an organization targeting adults worldwide. Also a bit more existential than the first. Both of these movies combined make probably the best 2 films I've seen in my entire life.

3. Ichi: The Killer. This is just an insane horror/crime/drama flick that is as disturbing as it is beautiful. Directed by a completely batshit insane filmmaker, Takashi Miike. This is honestly one of the most disturbing films I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

4. Hero. Jet Li in a sort of "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" epic set in fuedal China. This is probably the most visually intense move I've ever seen and would easily be in my top 10 of all times. Suck on that Crouching Tiger. I recently saw a U.S. trailor for this that started with "Quentin Tarantino Presents". Odd...he had absolutely nothing to do with the film. By my own logic, I will present him with my cock so he may commence sucking it for putting his worthless name on such an indescribably incredible film.

5. The Untold Story. An insane film about a crazy guy who just so happens to be a serial killer and the stupendously retarded cops who try to catch him. Serious blood and gore abound, so it's not for the faint of heart.

6. Dead Or Alive. This is part 1 of a 3 part series by (again) Takashi Miike and it follows the story of a cop vs. Yakuza sort of theme.

7. China Mafia Wars. Wow...another Takashi Miike film (are you starting to get the feeling that he's the best director ever? If not...you suck.). This film perplexed me to no end. China Mafia Wars set in Taiwan? Huh? But all of the crazy gore aside (you'll be hard pressed to find a movie made by Takashi that doesn't involve some almost comical gore), it really is a great film.

8. Shaolin Soccer. No...this one isn't violent, although that probably would've made it better. It's a story of a group of brothers who are trained Shaolin monks down on their luck so they deicde to use their insane skills to enter a soccer tournament to bring the art of kung fu to the masses. It's seriouisly hilarious...plus the version I have has such horrible subtitles it made it all the more amusing.

9. Shaolin Temple. What good would an Asian movie film list be without mega kung fu action? This was Jet Li's first movie and it is credited with starting the kung fu movie boom of the 80's.

10. Suicide Club a.k.a. Suicide Circle. What's not to love about a movie that opens with 50-something school aged girls throwing themselves in front of a rush hour subway train? It's a great mystery/horror film that, of course, has crazy good gore in it (I'm sorry...I like most of my films bloody. It's a hold over from my horror film days).

So now you know. I would dare Hollywood to make just one of these films (besides "Hero" which Tarantino has seen in his finite wisdom to bring to the states...probably in a dubber version at that...cocksucker. I bought the actual DVD online for $4 plus shipping. Let's see a movie theater beat that price.). That's what makes Asian cinema so great. You'll hardly ever see a Hollywood copy (with the exception of "The Ring" a.k.a. "Ringu" and the upcoming sequel that licked my nuts as even the Asian version "Ringu 2". There's also a U.S. version of a movie called "The Eye" set to come out which will almost surely fellate me as a U.S. copy) of any of these movies because they just have too much badassity for Hollywood to handle. Oh...and Hollywood cares what right wing fucks have to say for some reason. Yeah...we'll put out a film about Jesus getting his ass handed to him on a plate by Romans, but "god" forbid we put out a film where a cop goes crazy and brutally mureders his antagonists (and by brutally I'm talkin blood sprinkler here). Fuck Hollywood and it's hipocracy...give me Asian cinema any day.