Yeah, I cut all ties to her last night. Every other time we stopped talking for a while it had ended on a bad note. Last night I called and said it was completely over, but that I wanted to end on a good note. We talked things out for a while, then wished each other the best and said goodbye. Don't worry about me partying, I am out ALL the time partying, just not having sex. Shit, last night I had captn mo, Jaeger, funneled some beer then called my mom at 2am. I party a lot and have lots of friends, so I'm not lacking in that area at all.
for those interested, I'm keeping an online journal type thing. Here is what I entered today after my crossroads thing:
It is so pretty here it is difficult to be anything other than extremely happy. Ended some things last night, did my absolute best to try to end positively. I ended up getting trashed and called my mom around 2am to talk to her about things. She really is so great, I need to remember that and do everything I can to show her the same love she has always shown me. She helped me figure everything out, as she always has. I've decided which of my two choices I shall take. I can do nothing less than to accept option 1. I will absolutely under no circumstances lower myself as a person for any reason whatsoever. I will be true to myself, my family, and my beliefs. My morals, values and goals will not fall victim to mere temptation, my mind is too strong for that. Rob helped me out a bit too with some good advice.
"Dont lower your standards, dont sleep around or for that matter do anything thats not really you. In time all these things that seemed difficult about college will be something you laugh about when you're the youngest CEO of the company. Trust me, being mature sooner is not something you want to hide from, it will take you many places."
I really take this to heart, Rob is a good guy who I've known for a few years now. He seems to take everything in stride and has always wound up on the better end of the stick, something I can learn from. Another friend, Jon, is going through the exact same situation right now, it is ironic how he and I agree on everything from politics to women to sports. As he says "It is amazing how sometimes even politics make more sense than women." Oh well, can't worry about it or it'll eat you up. "Life is too short to be anything but happy." -Jill
. Very, very true. From now on, if something is making me unhappy or someone I care about unhappy, I will fix it asap, or realize it isn't fixable and move past it. I'm not gonna try to be anyone that I am not, not going to try to impress anyone, because I don't need to. I'm gonna sit back, enjoy my life, soak up the sights and sounds and wait for her (whomever she may be) to come to me. When someone has their internal life together and solidified, it shows on the outside, and it is about damn time I got mine back together. Thanks everyone for everything.