HSTuners - friday laughs - why athletes cannot have real jobs

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all

them kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate

me."

New Orleans Saint Running Back George Rogers when asked about the upcoming

season: I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever come first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother

to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run

over Joe's Mom, too."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He

treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in

football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman

Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to

graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (that is beautiful)

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up

alphabetically by height."

And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don

King:

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for

three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color

photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my

name, I can still find my clothes."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of

heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the

morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach

Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a

baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son,

what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't

know and I don't care.'"

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a

player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're

spending too much time on one subject."

Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on

all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too dadgum ugly to

kiss good-bye."