HSTuners - Pun o' the day #3... its a doozy

_Wet_Dream_

It was April the 41st. Being a quadruple leap year, I was
driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop,
so I was in a rented Stingray and it was overheating.

So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a
seal. I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my personal life
out of it, okay pal?"

While they were doing that I walked over to a place called
The Oyster Bar. A real dive. But I knew the owner (he used
to play for the Dolphins). I said, "Hi Gill!" (you have to
yell, he's hard of herring).

Gil was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely
keeping his head below water. I bellied up to the sand bar.
He poured me the usual -- rusty snail, hold the grunion,
shaken, not stirred, with a peanut butter and jellyfish
sandwich on the side, heavy on the mako.

I slipped him the fin, on porpoise. I was feeling good. I
even slipped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's squids, for
the halibut.

Well, the place was crowded -- we were packed in like
sardines. They were all there to listen to the big band
sounds of Tommy Dorsal -- what sole! Tommy was rockin' the
place with a very popular tuna -- "Salmon 'Chanted Evening".
And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, probably
there to see the bass player.

One of them was this cute little yellow-tail and she's givin'
me the eye, so I figure this is my chance for a little fun.
You know, a little pisces.

But she said things I just couldn't fathom; she was too deep.
Seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy could she drink!
She drank like a -- she drank a lot. I said, "What's your
sign?"

She said, "Aquarian."

I said, "Great! Let's get tanked!"

I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I
said, "Come on baby. It'll only take a few minnows." She
threw me that same old line: "Not tonight. I got a haddock."
And she wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest,
meanest-looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He
was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said,
"Listen, shrimp. Don't you come trolling around here." What
a crab. This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his
eyes.

I turned to him and said, "A-balone. You're just being
shellfish." Well, I knew there was going to be trouble and
so did Gill 'cause he was already on the phone to the cods.
The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a
left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke, but there he was,
lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless.

I said, "Forget the cods, Gill, this guy's gonna need a
sturgeon." Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way
I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me and said, "Hey
big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?"

I said, "Marlin."

Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her out
to dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of
flounders. And then I went home with her. And what did I
get for my troubles? A case of the clams.