Dilemma...
 

Hi... I know it's been a while but you guys/gals provide some damn good input on situations.

So, I've started going back to college. After one of my classes I always walk back to my car with this chic. She's Russian, 32'ish, has a kid, MARRIED, and looks great. We talk, have great conversations, and seem to flow together. I've been interested since the start but wasn't sure of her intentions. Today during the walk I asked her if anything's changed since tuesday. She hesitated for a second and said not really. We talked on the way to my car, then I gave her a ride to her car. I wanted to stay and talk to her but had an early hockey game to get to. However, she looked like she had something to tell me but nothign was said. I get home just now and check my e-mail and have this.

"Nothing's changed since Tuesday,
but every time I'm making love, I pretend it's you..."


I'm speechless. Don't really know what to say.

Input??

uhh..haha...i dont know...how old are you ?

I'm 24. 6 years is the biggest age gap I've had before, age doesn't matter as much to me. I've always dated older woman, except for 2 girlfriends of 11.

She's hawt for her age. well damn, just period.

My rought draft reply....

"I'm flattered and speechless. I've read this e-mail hours ago and have been thinking what to say. Since we're being honest and forward then I guess it's my turn. You're a beautiful woman and I've been attracted to you since before we first started talking. Since our conversations have began this attaction has continued to grow. I enjoy our chats in the car, and was even bummed that I had to leave early today. However, I did sense there was something you wanted to say before you left. Even when you paused when I asked you what's changed since Tuesday. I respect the situation you're in, and as you know this isn't the first time I've been in this situation. Regaurdless of this, I am interested and even was planning to see if you'd join me outside of school to do something.

You can call me anytime, and I check this e-mail addy pretty often. I look forward to hearing from you."

h o l y c h i t. As amusing as that was, it sucks to be in that situation. The age part doesn't make a difference to me either, but knowing the fact that she made that comment is almost disturbing. Sure, there are divorces, but to be a grown woman who is married with a child and to still speak of that? Man, SHADY. Maybe it's infatuation? Then again, maybe you're supposed to be the one for her. Then again, once again..maybe it's infatuation. I could see how it'd be understandable for her to be addicted to the situation, as she is settled and it's much easier to want what you don't have rather than to enjoy what you have itself. Dude, I'm going in circles.

DO IT.:cool:

MissJDM: me = dizzy. Yea, forbidden fruit is always sweeter.

I might also mention that this would be my third encounte with a married woman. I don't seek them out but shit happens. The last two were both married young and even ended up seperating at a later point. Both had also cheated before. This girl aslo was married young, had a kid to try and save the marrige, then cheated with her soon to be new husband, got divorced, and is still married to the guy. I don't want to intrude, but she's making the move. My thought is don't get married before you've explored the world you want to explore. Maybe her husband is ok with it for all I know. Sex is, and can be, just sex.

True but is she just in this for the sex part or is interested in a relationship with you? There are people who are married, get bored and want to have some side fun then there are others that want to get out of their bad relationship then jump right in to find another to take his/her place. The latter are the ones to look out for. They seem to regard the new guy as their "saviour" and pretty much rely on you for everything. Literally. Stay away from them. You won't be able to get away from them if things don't work out. The former just sex people are the ones just looking for a good time and don't want any kind of actual relationship. I would say it depends on you and what your values/morals are. Ask her about what's going on and why she's doing/saying this. Being open and honest about what YOU want, prevents alot of bullshit you may NOT want to get youself into.

buddy... UR IN :cool:

no pun intended im sure :D

Should I be disturbed that most people ignored the big word in caps..."MARRIED". Tread lightly man. That's just a whole mess of bullshit right there. Plus she's got a fuck trophy...yet another whole mess of bullshit. It sounds to me like she's testing the water with that email. My guess is that she'll be slightly disappointed with your thought out and non-sexual response. As with all relationships or potential ones, it's all just a big mind game. Understand the rules and you'll know where you stand. Married women always have some sort of ulterior motive when looking outside said marriage. Just be careful until you know exactly what she wants. Besides...since when did we start trusting the Russians?

MARRIED
No...dont get up in that shit.

Lol. I've actually dated a married russian chick once already. This one knows that, and might be part of the attraction. Beyond that, we've talked about sex before. We've bothed agreed that sex is just something two people do, sometimes regaurdless of their situation if the moment is right and it's meant to be. I get a really good vibe from this chick. She knows where I stand. Sometimes ladies just need a little booster of esteem. By the sounds of it she's somewhat happy, just might need a little something extra.

I feel bad on one part because a marriage is a sacred thing in my opinion. But, that's my marriage and I'm not maarried. This is her marriage and it's her choice. And that's what makes me not care as much. I'd hate it if my wife did this, but don't feel that I'd marry someone who would. I'm just the third party. If she wants to talk about it then we will. But I've learned to not worry about things that don't involve me. Older woman have more complicated lifes and don't always want to talk about the BS that goes on in them. I've been told more then once that this was a good trait. It's my ability to pry far enough, but not make them uncomfortable.

That make sense??

no. so your saying its ok to help a married person cheat? then agian you dont want your wife to? you also say it wont effect you? i think it will. her husand could find out. then he could go after you. :no:

think you need to drop it.

hehe, yea. I kind of have like a double standard. I'm just hoping that when I pick the girl i decide to marry. That i'll do a well enough job that she won't be the type to cheat. I'm usually a pretty good judge. That's how I've gotten myself in this position twice before.

I don't think it will effect me. It's better to go into a relationship knowing the end. If you know that there never will be anything to come out of it then you don't have to fear then end. Instead you can embrace the moment and live it up as much as possible. Plus I've been down that road before.

The guy would only be mad at me if he's a dumb ass. So banking on that, I'm ready to kick some ass. If he comes at me he's gonna get an unexpected treat, in the form of a size 11 boot. If he's smart then he'll realize that it was her choice, and he needs to sit and talk with her about the actual issue behind this. That is, if there is one. He might be ok with it, it mmight be the way their relationship is.

I'm not pushing for it, but if it happens then it happens...

I say, screw the bullshit, the drama, the stress now and the stress then..and drop it. Good call, SFKing :yes:

I'm curious why you'd say that? How old are you?

My theory is that every relation in life makes you what you are. The more you experience, doesn't have to be sexually, the stronger your personality and self will be.

When I flow with someone it greatly intrest me. There's something between me and that person, a mutual attraction. But we usually attracted by one anothers personality, more then physical being. Older chicks like this about me and that's why I tend to date them. Her marriage and what she does is her desicion, what she does is up to her. But if we're good together I'm not going to push it away. Why would I?

i can see wha t you said. but i think its just fucked up to end someones marrage. good or bad marrage its still one. if she leaves him and she single again. then yea thats all good.

but knowning im going to be the reason or be a problem to someone elses marrage, thats not me.

Re: Dilemma...
 

Damn...you must got it like that with the ladies!!!

King: You bring up a good point, and I do feel bad. I'm not a completely heartless bastard. But turning away a beautiful woman is like so f*cking impossible.

KA: Hey hot stuff, long time no talk.


You didn't know?

To start with, I'm 18 as of September, but I don't think age has TOO much to do with the opinions right now. However, I do understand what you are trying to say, but I strongly believe in Karma..what comes around, goes around. I just don't think it's good to be mixed up in all of this; if she were SERIOUSLY unhappy with her marriage, she can get out of it herself. Get out of it on her own and not think, "well, I'll have someone else right away." Am I making sense to you? It's kind of hard for me to word, but the point is that if she were to make drastic decisions like so, she should'nt include you in the picture yet, she needs to battle and end one story before she starts the next. You're correct, that it is her decision, but I have a big ol feeling that later down the road, her past will bite you in the ass.

i sure hope you have additional adjectives for her.

I don't think she's unhappy in her marriage. We haven't talked much about it, but it's also not my place to ask. As far as I feel. It's still way too early in this to really tell what's going on. I agree with pretty much everything that's been said. If it was the reverse, I would not do it. I've never cheated on a girl and haven't had a girl do that to me. Although I've been with gals knowing that we weren't monogomous to one another. A girl would have to be pretty stupid to assume she could end a marriage at 32 to be with someone who's 24, IMO. She's not as far as I can tell. We just flow together and I think that's why she's attacted.

This was her reply to me, and my reply back, and her's back again.

Hey, now I'm speechless and flattered,
Dan, don't take it all so seriously. It's a game,
remember?

----

A game? Yea, how could I forget, but it's a different
game with every woman. That's ok though, I'm good at
games. I usually win ;)

---

Good!

I say go for what you feel...if this will cause you drama and grief...back down...but if this girl is seriously all for you...go for it.