The priest
 

now you might have to have gone or go to church for this to have its full effect. I laughed my ass off, and i'm still laughing, enjoy


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous

On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on
the door:

1 Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2 There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3 There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4 Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5 Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6 We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7 The Farther, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the spook.

8 David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9 When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was stoned off his ass.

10 We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11 When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat
it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12 The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13 The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, Yeah God.

14 Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

LOL very funny.

P.S. My dad is a preacher but not like that one LOL.

LMAO that is great

Lol, that's an old one, but I laugh my ass off everytime I read it :D :D :D

Ahhhh. Church will never be the same now. One time when I was a little I had a bag of M&Ms in my coat pocket and I they spilled all over the floor and it was really loud and my best friend and I started to giggle and my mom got really mad at me. And then the next day, I went to Sunday School and the Sunday school teacher yelled at me too.

coat pocket and I they spilled << my bad. that I in there really makes no sense.

well i goto church so dont take my next comment the wrong way, but so many people take church to seriously. They all forget the reason they are there and start making all these rules so they can judge one another.

hahaha...nice one biker :yes:

msvtec that's a funny story too :yes:

Tell me about it. I'm from a very small town. But I'm not a "small town" girl. I don't know if that makes any sense. I'm never there. I don't think I would want to live there my whole life. People judge so easily and it pisses me off. My neighbors are all @ssholes and they think I'm a drugdealer because of my car...? And then I have this one neighbor that's just a huge dick and he ran out to one of my friends cars and started yelling to slow down (my friend was not even speeding) and he was all trying to intimidate him and this dick didn't see that my brother was in the car too and my brother almost jumped out and went postal. It's just dumb because the dick neighbor will kiss my bro's ass but then try and be all scary and intimidate this other guy. Yeah whenever someone walks into church in my town, everyone turns around and looks and has their own conversations.

LMAO!!!