View Full Version : Some people just don't get it (me)
ebpda9
08-28-2002, 07:33 PM
well here is how the story goes: i met this girl few years ago, and we stayed best friends for a while then i kind of fell for her. i had a talk with her last year about us being togheter, but her situation with the parents wasn't so great and we decided to stay best friends, because she knew that we might argue about her situation with her dad. So this year she moved out to college, still in cleveland and she lives in a dorm. She came few times over at my place for few times (nothing happened), and then i started falling again for her. This sunday i went to her dorm to visit her and everything was ok, then we went out for a ride in the park where i kind of felt we were closer than just best friends, but on monday she seemed to be so cold with me, and again today when i called her. i don't know but this time is a bit different, i'm starting to lose sleep over this issue, and even worse i can't focus on anything. i'd talk to her again, but i'm afraid she is gonna see me like a "desperado", or i did not get the message last year. i really don't know what to think, and i don't have the experience of reading girls. if you can't help me that's ok. i just wanted to get this off my chest.
mt.biker
08-28-2002, 07:54 PM
for starters you can't read girls they dont even know what they're thinking.
who cares what she thinks and go for it!
ebpda9
08-28-2002, 07:57 PM
see she is still my best friend and i don't wanna blow it all out. i'd rather lose my sleep for a few weeks rather than not talking to her at all. i know i'm a weirdo, but i might follow your advice tomorrow when i need to look something up on her computer
mt.biker
08-28-2002, 08:05 PM
Originally posted by hondaman-iac
see she is still my best friend and i don't wanna blow it all out. i'd rather lose my sleep for a few weeks rather than not talking to her at all. i know i'm a weirdo, but i might follow your advice tomorrow when i need to look something up on her computer
dude, well if you really have such a great friendship wont your relationship just get stronger. nows the time to be the man dude! Go ask her out or talk to her about what she wants in life.. just somethign to get the ball rolling so to speak
msvtec14
08-28-2002, 08:34 PM
It's really hard once you get in that friend zone. I don't care what anyone says. A guy and a girl will never "just be friends". I mean, you totally can be but there will always be chemistry somewhere. We're only human. I've had guy friends that fell for me. There were 2 that I did end up dating and we're no longer friends anymore. I'm not trying to bring you down. I'm really not but everything changes once you cross that line. From the way that you said she was acting, I think that she has feelings for you as well. As to why she was acting cold, either she is playing hard to get or she is trying to make you think that she doesn't need you or she is trying to push you away because of her feelings because they might scare her. I think that you should talk to her about. Stress that you want no games and total honesty. No fronts. If you put up with bullshit now, then you'll be putting up with it further down the road. Whatever happens, please remember to take things slow and COMMUNICATE. It would be a very important decision on both of your parts and there's going to be a lot of feelings that are going to be involved. Good luck with everything. :yes:
ebpda9
08-28-2002, 08:45 PM
thanks for the advice missy. see what i'm afraid off is that if we bnlow out the relationship the fingers will be pointed at me, and i'm a bit sick of having fingers pointing at me (not for this reason anyhow). that's my dillema. i really don't want to blow it all off, plus i don't think i'm mr perfect. i'll try and talk to her.
msvtec14
08-28-2002, 08:52 PM
You're welcome. No one should be pointing anything at anyone though. I'm sure that you don't want to wake up one day and know that you didn't at least try so give it a shot. :yes:
ebpda9
08-28-2002, 09:31 PM
Originally posted by msvtec14
You're welcome. No one should be pointing anything at anyone though. I'm sure that you don't want to wake up one day and know that you didn't at least try so give it a shot. :yes:
yeah you have a point. the worst it could happen is that she will say no.
cstrom80
08-28-2002, 09:39 PM
I agree with MsVtec on this one. Communication IS the key. The way I see it is that she's giving you the cold shoulder because she doesnt want to hurt you. Seems like she does value you a lot or she wouldn't have stayed friends with you after you confessed your feelings towards her. So, there must be something in the way of you and her, whether it be that she doesnt feel the same way or if she doesnt think it would work out for some reason (her dad). I had a friend like that that I liked. I told her how I felt and she gave the the cold shoulder. She loved me as a friend but didn't care for me more than that. She shut me out for awhile so I wouldnt get the wrong impression. It feels so bad to get led on when there's nothing really there. Communicate. I feel for you. Hopefully this one works out for you more than mine did for me.
ebpda9
08-28-2002, 09:48 PM
hopefully it will work out. i just need the courage to approach the subject.
mt.biker
08-28-2002, 09:53 PM
if she means that much to you it shouldn't be an issue
incubus86
08-29-2002, 08:12 AM
Originally posted by hondaman-iac
well here is how the story goes: i met this girl few years ago, and we stayed best friends for a while then i kind of fell for her. i had a talk with her last year about us being togheter, but her situation with the parents wasn't so great and we decided to stay best friends, because she knew that we might argue about her situation with her dad. So this year she moved out to college, still in cleveland and she lives in a dorm. She came few times over at my place for few times (nothing happened), and then i started falling again for her. This sunday i went to her dorm to visit her and everything was ok, then we went out for a ride in the park where i kind of felt we were closer than just best friends, but on monday she seemed to be so cold with me, and again today when i called her. i don't know but this time is a bit different, i'm starting to lose sleep over this issue, and even worse i can't focus on anything. i'd talk to her again, but i'm afraid she is gonna see me like a "desperado", or i did not get the message last year. i really don't know what to think, and i don't have the experience of reading girls. if you can't help me that's ok. i just wanted to get this off my chest.
wanna know why she is acting like this...cause
:bow:girls are ignorant:bow:
mt.biker
08-29-2002, 08:17 AM
Originally posted by incubus86
wanna know why she is acting like this...cause
:bow:girls are ignorant:bow:
respect! amen to that my brotha from anotha motha!
girls are WHACK! i once saw a book explaining the reason woman feel the way they do, well when you open it all the pages are blank! at the back it explained men, it said. I'm hungry feed me. I'm lonely sleep with me. I haven't had enough time with the guys, get me a beer. Night i'm tired!
i was lmao in the book store (this was a long time ago btw) and everyone was looking at me funny... no one gets me!
msvtec14
08-29-2002, 08:20 AM
Originally posted by hondaman-iac
hopefully it will work out. i just need the courage to approach the subject.
This may sound retarded but seriously think about what you want to say and say it out loud. Change the roles up for a minute. You know this girl very well and you know how she thinks. Think about how she is going to take what you say. What will she think? You know? If I were you, I wouldn't lay it on too thick as it might intimidate her. When I crossed that line with one of my friends I totally saw him in a new way. A good way. I was friends with this guy for years. Then what was between us started happening, it was like seeing this totally different side of him. For years I had seen him as Justin. My buddy. Just a friend. Out of nowhere I saw this sweet, sensitive, caring side of him. He started talking about stuff that he'd never dare talk about when we were just friends. It was a big plus that we were friends for so long because it felt like we had been together for years. But then it got all weird because he would act weird when it came to me hanging around other guys friends that we had been friends with for years. People fought. Not good. We're not friends anymore and that really sucks.
mt.biker
08-29-2002, 08:26 AM
dude i'd still say talk to her about it, and if nothing else just find where she is at. You might be getting this cold shoulder because shes scared of the unknown.
my personal rule, is if the girl has been a best friend for more then a year its not likely gonna work out. but that doesn't mean you can't talk to her about it.. so get off your ass and get over there!
mt.biker
08-29-2002, 08:33 AM
btw dude. people never get me,..... even my friends are just starting to get me. I think theres alot of things that go on behind the scenes that people just dont understand.. dude dont worry if she doesn't get where your coming from. If she doesn't feel the same way give her some space and then be friends agian
msvtec14
08-29-2002, 08:40 AM
Originally posted by incubus86
wanna know why she is acting like this...cause
:bow:girls are ignorant:bow:
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Most girls are ignorant. Not all. Are you in a bad mood today? I don't get offended because I know that I'm not most girls but still. Don't think we're all bad :no: To be honest with you, I totally agree with what you guys say about the majority of girls. They're stupid. I hate a lot of them. There's about 6 or 7 girls here at my work that hate me with every bone in their bodies and I still really don't know why. I think it has something to do with not offering someone to let them open their car door before I opened mine :confused: I don't know? I find it amusing. They hate me :D
incubus86
08-29-2002, 09:22 AM
I'm not in a bad mood, its just that one time a long time ago, someone told me that. And everyday i wake up i keep it in the back of my mind. I love my ex girlfriend more then life itself and I'd do anything in the world to put a smile on her face, but she is a girl, and she is ignorant.
And i'll disagree with you. You are right, most girls are ignorant all the time, and a select few are very cool to be around, but all girls have that magical bone in there body and can be ignorant. Are you going to tell me that you where never ignorant, miss? Seriously now....think about it. I'm not all religious and I don't know if people have evolved or if there is a god and he put us all here...but if there is a god and he created adam and then made eve from a part of adam, that rib bone....was the male ignorant bone, hence why all girls are ignorant. :D
msvtec14
08-29-2002, 09:49 AM
Oh, I'm not going to lie. I can be ignorant just like the next person. But not in the ways that you guys are talking about. I don't behave certain ways to mask other feelings or throw people off. If I like someone, I don't sit there and act like I don't unless he is being an @sshole or something. Or if I have a crush on someone and say he has a girlfriend, I'm obviously going to hide it. I'm a straight up person. In terms of when I am ingnorant an example would be if someone is being an @sshole over something stupid. I'll be the bigger @sshole. And you won't win. Like this past weekend my friend refused to stop at Dunkin Donuts because it was on the left hand side of the road and she "didn't feel like" making a left hand turn. I told her that was corny and she called me a b*tch. Then she tried being all buddy-buddy with me and I was just like, "Why are you talking to me if I'm such a b*tch?" and I refused to speak to her the whole way home from RI. You're going to call me a b*tch because I think it's corny that you can't take a left hand turn, I'll show you what a b*tch is. Sorry. I hope I'm not scaring anyone :D It was really stupid though and I hate stupid drama.
ebpda9
08-29-2002, 10:49 AM
hmm i think the ignorance is not the case with her. usually she is very open. it might be that she is very scared of all these new things that will change her daily routine. i don't know. from what she told me she had a bf when she was 16, and during the prom she said that she was with a guy but it lasted very short: not more than 2 weeks.
msvtec14
08-29-2002, 11:17 AM
Melissa is confused. What does she do that she has a daily routine? From a girl's point of view. I'm a pretty busy person. I work a full time job. I have all my car stuff that I'm into. My whole music scene and a lot of different friends. At no point would I ever be scared that a boyfriend would mess that up. So, she's only had that relationship? You said you were 22, right? Assuming that she is the same age, a boyfriend when you're 16 and one when you're 22 is two totally different ball games.
ebpda9
08-29-2002, 02:23 PM
Actually she is 19.
incubus86
08-29-2002, 02:27 PM
19 is young my friend. I'd stay away. If she is anything like an of the girls i know, if she is confused now, she will still be confused in a few years. Girls around here get even worse after they turn 21. Its like there world opens up and they can drink.
thats my opinion.
ebpda9
08-29-2002, 02:34 PM
hmm i don't know dude. see i know some 19 years girls, but she does not behave like them. she seems so mature. sometimes i seem to be a kid next to her.
incubus86
08-29-2002, 02:35 PM
you are going to do what you feel is right, and you should but
heed my warning....
she will change when she reaches 21
msvtec14
08-29-2002, 02:39 PM
What's going to happen when I turn 21? Am I going to grow wings or something? If I could fly, that would be cool. But scary because I'm terrified of heights. :eek:
incubus86
08-29-2002, 02:40 PM
i dunno...but when girls that are in relationships turn 21, they all of a sudden want to be single....
ebpda9
08-29-2002, 02:44 PM
i don't know i'll give it a try, and hopefully it will work out beyound 21 :crazy:
incubus86
08-29-2002, 02:50 PM
GOODLUCK!:yes:
msvtec14
08-29-2002, 02:51 PM
Ehhhhhh. I don't know about that. I have an id so I go to bars here and there without a problem. I used to go all the time in the beginning of the summer. Bars are beat. I don't go often anymore. And if I do, it's to have fun with my friends. I'm the baby of the group so they're all 21/22. I don't go there looking for some meaningful relationship because I don't think that I'll ever find that in a bar.
DsBlu01CivEX
08-29-2002, 05:48 PM
ok....stefan...I say go with your heart. No matter what we all say in here you gotta go with your heart and your gut. If they're sayin 2 different things go with your gut....I've learned that lesson the hard way. I'd have to agree that it seems to me that she is just uncertain of where things will be going. Seems to me that she is just scared. Talk to her on a low key level. Don't seem pushy, just make it known to her that you are still interested in her more than a friend. See what she has to say and respect her for the answer that she gives. Good luck with everything. You'll have to keep us updated.
ebpda9
08-29-2002, 06:09 PM
thanks for the advice denise. if it will be to go with my git i will have to hide in a closet or something. i'm just missing this "quality" i think i'll talk to her on saturday and sunday, and then i'll post the results. hopefully i won't say that i was hidden in a closet :crazy: :rolleyes: ;)
msvtec14
08-30-2002, 08:13 AM
DON'T hide in a closet. Did anyone see The Sweetest Thing? I know it sounds like a total chick flick. BTW no offense to you gals that like chick flicks. They're just not my style. It was actually really good. Really funny too. I learned a lot from that movie. I watched it last night. But anyway, to have anything good in your life you're going to be taking a risk in one way or another. :)
mt.biker
08-30-2002, 08:15 AM
Originally posted by msvtec14
DON'T hide in a closet. Did anyone see The Sweetest Thing? I know it sounds like a total chick flick. BTW no offense to you gals that like chick flicks. They're just not my style. It was actually really good. Really funny too. I learned a lot from that movie. I watched it last night. But anyway, to have anything good in your life you're going to be taking a risk in one way or another. :)
yup i saw it, it was a really odd movie. Though your right it does give a message... GIRLS ARE WHACK hehe just joking
ebpda9
08-30-2002, 08:20 AM
Originally posted by mt.biker
yup i saw it, it was a really odd movie. Though your right it does give a message... GIRLS ARE WHACK hehe just joking
LMAO.
msvtec14
08-30-2002, 10:30 AM
No, the girls in that movie were definetly really REALLY strange. But I learned something from Cameron Diaz's part because I pretty much do the same thing. I don't want to end up like that, dancing to Usher alone on a crowded dance floor :D No but seriously, I do have an issue similar to that. :no:
DsBlu01CivEX
08-31-2002, 11:09 PM
I didn't get to see that movie but I wanted to....it sounds similar to my 2 best friends and I. at least the story line/characters in a way. My problem isn't talkin to the guys I'm interested in...it's telling them that I'm interested in them. It's the whole rejection thing. and so far I haven't found a guy that I feel is worth risking humiliation for.
ebpda9
09-01-2002, 12:10 AM
Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
...It's the whole rejection thing....
same problem here. maybe i wouldn't be too worried about it if it wouldn't be for the rejection.
mt.biker
09-01-2002, 01:00 AM
what do you have to lose people? i dont like it when people hold back their feelings it jsut makes thing more interesting.
Around a girl i'm interested and or dating i say just about all the emotions.... and often some i shouldn't say :eek:
DsBlu01CivEX
09-01-2002, 07:28 PM
I just can't express my emotions very well...I've never been very good at that.
mt.biker
09-01-2002, 08:04 PM
Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
I just can't express my emotions very well...I've never been very good at that.
theres never a better time then now to start..... just say whatever crosses your mind, then learn to control it so you stop making a fool of yourself ..
mt.biker .02
msvtec14
09-01-2002, 11:54 PM
I was always good at expressing my feelings. Until I got f*cked over nine ways to Sunday. :mad:
cutiepy701
09-03-2002, 03:00 PM
Talk to her, and be completely honest. Without good communitcation, nothing will work. Don't let it be false or only half truth what each of you say, make it clear you want her to be honest, even if it means hearing something you don't like. All will turn out for the best in the end. Please just go talk to her!!!! If you don't tell her how you feel, some other dude could be going up to her right now bustin game and you could lose the opportunity, just look at it that way. GOOD LUCK:)
mt.biker
09-03-2002, 03:10 PM
Originally posted by msvtec14
I was always good at expressing my feelings. Until I got f*cked over nine ways to Sunday. :mad:
what does nine ways to Sunday mean? i know its a saying but what does it mean?
DsBlu01CivEX
09-03-2002, 04:36 PM
basically she got f**ked over...thats the short definition....and it's not all emotions I can't express. I just haven't figured out a good way to tell a guy that I am interested in something more than a friendship with him without getting screwed over. I'm gonna go through life just having a bunch of friends! ;(
mt.biker
09-03-2002, 06:03 PM
Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
basically she got f**ked over...thats the short definition....and it's not all emotions I can't express. I just haven't figured out a good way to tell a guy that I am interested in something more than a friendship with him without getting screwed over. I'm gonna go through life just having a bunch of friends! ;(
nah ya wont
msvtec14
09-03-2002, 10:49 PM
I'm pretty sure that I will get over my issues eventually. I'm sitting here, giving people advice about doing things and not to be scared to. It's not that I am scared. I'm just not in the mood to deal with the emotional ups and downs right now of trusting someone and being in a relationship. And I think it would be beneficial to let my scars heal from this past relationship before I go getting into another one. I've had a lot of time to myself to do what I want, go where I want to and not have to worry about anyone else. I have a lot of fun with my friends and being single and there are times that I guess I would like a relationship. It's just like how you can be in a relationship and sometimes think about how fun it is to be single. :yes:
ebpda9
09-04-2002, 11:57 AM
as you know i was supposed to talk with her on saturday morning, but i had to work and second my parents have some big issues right now. i wasn't in the mood, nor i could talk to her, but on sunday night i realized how good of a friend she is. She was the only one on whose shoulder i could cry. i just love her, more than i love myself.
mt.biker
09-04-2002, 01:09 PM
Originally posted by hondaman-iac
as you know i was supposed to talk with her on saturday morning, but i had to work and second my parents have some big issues right now. i wasn't in the mood, nor i could talk to her, but on sunday night i realized how good of a friend she is. She was the only one on whose shoulder i could cry. i just love her, more than i love myself.
dude you think you'll be able to tell her that one day?
ebpda9
09-04-2002, 01:12 PM
maybe. what sets me back is the fact that we had the same talk last year, and i don't think i will be able to be rejected the second time. ;(
msvtec14
09-04-2002, 01:17 PM
Hondaman, you should never love another person more than you love yourself. If you don't love yourself, then it makes it hard to love other people. I learned that from my X. Like we've all said, don't NOT do something because you're scared. You don't want to wake up one day and wonder what if? You said that she was acting as though there was some feeling there, right? Did she do that that first time all of this came about?
mt.biker
09-04-2002, 01:19 PM
Originally posted by msvtec14
Hondaman, you should never love another person more than you love yourself. If you don't love yourself, then it makes it hard to love other people. I learned that from my X. Like we've all said, don't NOT do something because you're scared. You don't want to wake up one day and wonder what if? You said that she was acting as though there was some feeling there, right? Did she do that that first time all of this came about?
maybe its just me but its possible to love someone more then yourself.. its the same level of love that pushes a parent to die for their child.
msvtec14
09-04-2002, 01:23 PM
Ok, I do agree with that but that's different. But in the same respect as much as it scares me to say it, I would save my parents over myself. They gave me life. That doesn't necessarily mean that I love them more than myself. Scary subject.
ebpda9
09-04-2002, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by msvtec14
Did she do that that first time all of this came about?
i'm afraid i don't get your question. she started acting warmer few weeks before going to college, then during the first week of classes she was quite cold.
msvtec14
09-04-2002, 02:55 PM
Originally posted by hondaman-iac
i'm afraid i don't get your question. she started acting warmer few weeks before going to college, then during the first week of classes she was quite cold.
The first time that you decided to talk about your feelings with her was she being warm to you? Or, is that something that just started hapenning recently?
ebpda9
09-04-2002, 03:06 PM
she was a bit warm, but not qute like she is now, and i went ahead with my gut
msvtec14
09-04-2002, 03:11 PM
Hmmmmmm. Tough call. Here's an idea. Instead of sitting her down and telling her all that you feel, why don't you ask her what motivates HER to act so warm to you and then so cold the next minute and see what she has to say about that. See what she does while answering that one.
ebpda9
09-04-2002, 03:15 PM
i asked her once why she was so cold, and she kind of avoided the question.
msvtec14
09-04-2002, 03:19 PM
Originally posted by hondaman-iac
i asked her once why she was so cold, and she kind of avoided the question.
Well, I don't like that and if I were you I would NOT put up with that. That's crap. There's a reason behind everything and if you treat someone a certain way, I feel that they deserve to know why.
ebpda9
09-04-2002, 03:41 PM
well when i asked that it was late at night and she was a bit tired, so that's why she must have avoided the question
msvtec14
09-04-2002, 03:53 PM
Originally posted by hondaman-iac
well when i asked that it was late at night and she was a bit tired, so that's why she must have avoided the question
Come on, STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HER! She was tired? Was she just not talking at all? Did she have a sore throat? Was she thirsty? Sorry :) I just don't think that's acceptable. Don't be an enabler! Get on that! I'm serious. You should have asked her the next day. I really hope you know that I'm not yelling at you :) Just at the situation. Rather than you sharing your feelings this time, really REALLY try and get her to share hers. And if you think asking her late at night will have some bearing over if you can get a straight answer out of her, ask her in the day. :yes:
ebpda9
09-04-2002, 03:56 PM
good point.
msvtec14
09-04-2002, 03:58 PM
Stand you ground. Just looking out for you. Girls are ignorant. Don't get trapped in the game, K? ;)
mt.biker
09-04-2002, 04:05 PM
Originally posted by msvtec14
Stand you ground. Just looking out for you. Girls are ignorant. Don't get trapped in the game, K? ;)
AMEN TO EVERYTHING YOU"VE JUST SAID! in this post and above.. go get her hondaman-iac, pin her down and get out of her everything that you wanted to hear!
DsBlu01CivEX
09-04-2002, 05:21 PM
One rule in life is....you're never truely able to love another person until you love yourself. And as for the whole parents dying for their childern and vice versa it's a love and a respect thing. It's what you do for family....the love is there instantly from the time the child is born. I don't think that you can love another person more than yourself, but you can only love them as much as you love yourself.
But yes...I agree with Missy...find out exactly how she feels and why she's bein playin the hot/cold game with you. Don't pester her...let her know that you've felt confused lately with her actions and that you really need to know what she thinks and how she feels and that you'll wait for her answer, but that It's really important that she answer you questions.
msvtec14
09-05-2002, 08:49 AM
Yeah, definitely don't pester her. Don't seem like you care that much either. Address it with more of a curiosity perspective. If you're really scared that what hapenned last time is going to happen this time at least you won't putting putting that much of yourself out there. Your interest in her feeling is genuine but I would just be more careful about how I go about showing interest. I know I'm all anti-games and stuff but if I had been down that road once before, I would just take a different route.
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