juvenile
08-10-2002, 11:14 AM
> For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you
>>just need
>>to
>> > take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,
>>take it out
>> > on someone you don't know.
>> >
>> > I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had
>>forgotten
>>to
>> > make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying,
>>"Hello?"
>> >
>> > I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak
>>with Robin
>> > Carter?"
>> >
>> > Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe
>>that anyone
>> > could be so rude.
>> >
>> > I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her.
>> >
>> > (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number).
>> >
>> > After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
>>again.
>> >
>> > When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an
>>asshole!" and
>> > hung up.
>> >
>> > I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
>>put it in
>> > my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills
>>or had a
>> > really bad day, I'd call him.
>> >
>> > He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're an asshole!"
>> >
>> > It always cheered me up.
>> >
>> > When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic
>>'asshole'
>>calling
>> > would have to stop.
>> >
>> > So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from
>>the
>> > Telephone
>> > Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the
>>caller ID
>> > program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
>> >
>> > I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
>>asshole!"
>> >
>> > So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a
>>parking spot.
>> > Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I
>>had
>> > patiently
>> > waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting
>>for the
>>spot.
>> >
>> > The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car
>>window, so I
>> > wrote down his number.
>> >
>> > A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
>>had his
>> > number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW
>>asshole, too.
>> >
>> > I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"
>> >
>> > I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
>> >
>> > "Yes it is."
>> >
>> > "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
>> >
>> > "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and
>>the car's
>> > parked right out front."
>> >
>> > "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
>> >
>> > "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>> >
>> > "I'm home every evening after five."
>> >
>> > "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
>> >
>> > "Yes?"
>> >
>> > "Don, you're an asshole!"
>> >
>> > Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
>> >
>> > Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
>> >
>> > But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable
>>as it
>>used
>> > to be.
>> >
>> > So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.
>> >
>> > "Hello"
>> >
>> > "You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.)
>> >
>> > "Are you still there?" he asked.
>> >
>> > "Yeah," I said.
>> >
>> > "Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said.
>> >
>> > "Who are you?" he asked.
>> >
>> > "My name is Don Hansen."
>> >
>> > "Yeah? Where do you live?"
>> >
>> > "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with
>>my black
>> > Beemer out front."
>> >
>> > He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
>>start saying
>> > your prayers."
>> >
>> > I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
>> >
>> > Then I called asshole # 2:
>> >
>> >
>> > Hello?" he said.
>> >
>> >
>> > Hello Asshole," I said.
>> >
>> >
>> > He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>> >
>> >
>> > You'll what?" I said.
>> >
>> >
>> > I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
>> >
>> >
>> > I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
>>right
>>now."
>> >
>> > Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police saying that I
>>lived at
>> > 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my
>>gay
>>lover.
>> >
>> > Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on
>>West 34th
>> > Street.
>> >
>> > I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.
>> >
>> > There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in
>>front of 6
>> > squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
>> >
>> > Now, I feel better.
>> >
>> > Have a great day!
>>just need
>>to
>> > take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,
>>take it out
>> > on someone you don't know.
>> >
>> > I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had
>>forgotten
>>to
>> > make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying,
>>"Hello?"
>> >
>> > I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak
>>with Robin
>> > Carter?"
>> >
>> > Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe
>>that anyone
>> > could be so rude.
>> >
>> > I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her.
>> >
>> > (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number).
>> >
>> > After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
>>again.
>> >
>> > When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an
>>asshole!" and
>> > hung up.
>> >
>> > I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
>>put it in
>> > my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills
>>or had a
>> > really bad day, I'd call him.
>> >
>> > He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're an asshole!"
>> >
>> > It always cheered me up.
>> >
>> > When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic
>>'asshole'
>>calling
>> > would have to stop.
>> >
>> > So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from
>>the
>> > Telephone
>> > Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the
>>caller ID
>> > program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
>> >
>> > I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
>>asshole!"
>> >
>> > So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a
>>parking spot.
>> > Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I
>>had
>> > patiently
>> > waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting
>>for the
>>spot.
>> >
>> > The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car
>>window, so I
>> > wrote down his number.
>> >
>> > A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
>>had his
>> > number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW
>>asshole, too.
>> >
>> > I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"
>> >
>> > I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
>> >
>> > "Yes it is."
>> >
>> > "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
>> >
>> > "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and
>>the car's
>> > parked right out front."
>> >
>> > "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
>> >
>> > "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>> >
>> > "I'm home every evening after five."
>> >
>> > "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
>> >
>> > "Yes?"
>> >
>> > "Don, you're an asshole!"
>> >
>> > Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
>> >
>> > Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
>> >
>> > But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable
>>as it
>>used
>> > to be.
>> >
>> > So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.
>> >
>> > "Hello"
>> >
>> > "You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.)
>> >
>> > "Are you still there?" he asked.
>> >
>> > "Yeah," I said.
>> >
>> > "Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said.
>> >
>> > "Who are you?" he asked.
>> >
>> > "My name is Don Hansen."
>> >
>> > "Yeah? Where do you live?"
>> >
>> > "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with
>>my black
>> > Beemer out front."
>> >
>> > He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
>>start saying
>> > your prayers."
>> >
>> > I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
>> >
>> > Then I called asshole # 2:
>> >
>> >
>> > Hello?" he said.
>> >
>> >
>> > Hello Asshole," I said.
>> >
>> >
>> > He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>> >
>> >
>> > You'll what?" I said.
>> >
>> >
>> > I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
>> >
>> >
>> > I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
>>right
>>now."
>> >
>> > Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police saying that I
>>lived at
>> > 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my
>>gay
>>lover.
>> >
>> > Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on
>>West 34th
>> > Street.
>> >
>> > I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.
>> >
>> > There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in
>>front of 6
>> > squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
>> >
>> > Now, I feel better.
>> >
>> > Have a great day!