Why does this feel so weird?

[GT40FIED]

For the last 3 years I've hated this town. Everything about it. I don't much care for the people, there's virtually no culture, and there's very little to do in general. But now that I'm leaving on Saturday for good, I can't help but feel a little sad. I don't get it...I couldn't wait 'til I got out of here. Now that I'm 3 days from doing it it feels odd. What the fuck?

[pimpinprelude]

sometimes you love what you hate bud.

[dabouncerx24]

I'm assuming you're talking about your college town? and where would that be? graduating (if so, congrats)?

Two things GT...it's either

1. You've genuinely developed positive feelings about the place. You claim you absolutely dread the place, because it seems like it doesn't compare in any standards with where you came from. But deep inside, this might be a lifestyle that you enjoy, a plain, quiet lifestyle in a town like scenery.

2. You do not want change. Changes as big as moving to a different place causes all types of emotions. People claim they will "miss" the place where they're leaving, but the truth is, they do not want to face the fast and upcoming changes that will take place. These changes will uproot the lifestyle that they've gotten sooooo used to, a lifestyle that they feel comfortable, and protected. The feelings that people claim as "missing" some place, is just subconsiously substituting the real emotion, which is fear, fear of big changes, and fear of losing what they've gotten to know/used to during the past some # of years.

The latter explanation only applies to the brief period prior to moving out, and the brief period after moving in to another place. I am a Very reminiscent person, I believe what I am is what I've gained in the past. I don't believe in "it has already past, let's move forward" bullshit. When it comes to these types of feelings that you're feeling GT, I have quite a lot of experience because I look into these things when I'm thinking about my past.
When I moved out of Hong Kong, I cried (I was 8). Hong Kong, labeled as the most exciting city in the world, is not far from that claim. But after the first few months spent in San Francisco, I discovered that I like the American lifestyle a lot more. Up until now, I haven't spent a single moment missing that place. I miss the experiences I had, and my relatives, but never the place.
Before that, when I was even younger, I lived in a small village in mainland China. A beautiful village with pawns, trees, flowers, small houses. Up until now, I often think about the place.

My so called..."theory" #2 can also be applied to BF/GF situations. This 1 chick that I dated in 10 grade, she broke up with me and I tried my best to get her again. We dated again twice for a total of three times until it was lost for good (she was cheating). When I cooled down, I sat in solitary and thought about it...after the first break up, I was too afraid of change. Afraid of a single lifestyle, (afraid of losing the sex that felt so good...), afraid of not having a goodnight call, etc. I tried my best to keep that lifestyle, not the feelings for the girl. I asked myself, did I miss the EXPERIENCE, or the girl?

Well, I've digressed (not really..), but some things you just gotta figure out on your own GT. I know you have a knack for all the political shit man, but when it comes to these things, I have my few cents on them. The experience...or the place..? Is it fear...or real feelings?

[GT40FIED]

Well I've been waxing idiotic over this whole subject for a few days and I think I'm more in line with theory number 2. I have really bad anxiety (which even medication doesn't control entirely) so I've become a creature of habit and routine. With habit and routine comes little chance for deviation that could trigger anxiety. The strange thing is that I know I'm going home and pretty much picking up where I left off (I'll be going to school...I'm not graduating...and working at least part time) which I remember as a pretty happy time in my life before I moved here. That's the weird part. I'm almost sure shit is going to get better but still I have this lingering feeling of uneasyness. That...and I hate to give up having my own place. It may also be because I just had tons of fun taking my Korean class this semester. It's really the first positive experience I've had since I started taking college classes and now I realize college doesn't have to be completely shitty. Had I realized that when I started going here, I might be leaving with a diploma...but I had already planned to move back home before I realized how much fun I was having. But I suppose that may translate well when I get back home and start classes again. I'll have to change my major (I've decided auto tech is more of a hobby than a career I want) so now I'm thinking about a world languages degree. There's just so much stuff that needs to be settled rather quickly.

[dabouncerx24]

There you have it man.

How far is your college from your home?

[GT40FIED]

Right now I'm only about 2 hours from home. I haven't been able to make it back as much as I'd like though since gas prices have become the equivelant of sanctioned robbery.

[ebpda9]

i think steve is turning redneck :lol: