Offical Joke Thread

[IALuder]

this is were you post the jokes you know....simple huh?

this way we dont have people making 1-2billion joke threads. and wasting good bandwidth. i thought of this idea after reading "things that are missing" thread.

[JDMFantasy2k]

glad my thread brought up some good ideas;)

[juvenile]

So where are the jokes? Why don't you guys take some initiative hmm? Lazy bums good for nothin'! :mad: heh

All of the secretaries in my office were called in to an important personnel meeting. On my way to the meeting, I noticed one of the secretaries was still sitting at her desk, and I asked why she wasn't on her way to the meeting. She complained that her printer wasn't working. I tried to help her by fiddling around inside and lo and behold, we discovered a pen stuck inside the printer.

The secretary started to jam her fingers down in to the printer to get the pen, but I told her we didn't have time for that now as the boss was expecting us all in the meeting. I told her to just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then we could report it to the Help Desk after the meeting. So she grabs a piece of paper and starts scrawling on it.

I left before she finished the note but when we came out of the meeting, I passed her desk and got a good laugh. I then ran to my car to get my camera and took a pic of the note http://www.ebaumsworld.com/penstuck2.html

[CD5Passion]

?? soooo is that a picture you send in? orr is that a story that goes along with the picture someone else took?

[CD5Passion]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

[IALuder]

hahahhaha AWESOME!

[B16DoHcCrx033003]

lol

[pimpinprelude]

why did hitler kill him self????


















his gas bill was too high...

[CD5Passion]

.....?:paranoid:

[juvenile]

Originally posted by Shardsofxapril
?? soooo is that a picture you send in? orr is that a story that goes along with the picture someone else took?
You read the story and then look at the picture. What's so difficult about that? It isn't my story no, I found it on ebaumsworld.

[CD5Passion]

ok. cause if it was your story it would've been a lot funnier

[KwikR6]

http://www.streetlegalhonda.nl/hondaalbum/album17/threadsucks.gif

[mylittlecivic]

nice imput derek, I thought the jokes were semi funny

[IALuder]

haha derek made a funny:D:D best joke yet!!!!

[juvenile]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I Turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts . As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny. So, of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, " Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don't have a change of clothes for him." Then I said, "Danny are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "NO," he replied. I just KNEW he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM,IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story.. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[mavaaoife]

:toofunny: ok... that was great........ i commend you on those :toofunny: wow im still laughing...

[IALuder]

:D:D