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ewaugh
07-15-2004, 12:52 PM
Anyone on here ever owned a British Car?

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Definition of panic: _You're an astronaut in your spaceship awaiting liftoff. _You look around the cockpit and spot the plaque that says "Electrics by Lucas."

"With my MINI, I have had to resort to using things like dipsticks to check the fluid levels instead of following the old advice:

'If it's not leaking, it's empty' "

IALuder
07-15-2004, 02:09 PM
may i ask what was this about?

funny in all. but i didnt get some of it.:|

ewaugh
07-15-2004, 02:29 PM
Lucas Electronics were used in a lot of British cars, espically old Jags, Rovers, and the like. Well, they never really worked all that great and people, espically people that try to rebuild a old british car, hate it.

BlackWolf
07-15-2004, 04:18 PM
My brother had a old white TR4 for awhile. It was mad fun while he had it but DAMN I gotta agree with you on most of that. I felt like we needed to have a oil tanker behind us in case we ran out of oil before we got to the next street. EVERYTHING leaked and I mean EVERYTHING. He wired the ignition so it started everytime but he only drove it in the daytime 'cause the other lights never worked.