Seeking male advice

[Whiteclipse99]

I'm going to try to make this as short and simple as possible as not to bore anyone and because I know how short a man's attention span can be sometimes. No offense gentlemen.


The background:
I had a thing for this guy Matt I worked with at my first job during our senior year of high school, which was 5 yrs ago. Innocent crush, so I never pursued anything or even told him I liked him. Then I ended up meeting one of his good friends, Ryan, that he went to high school with and I ended up dating Ryan for about a year. After our senior year, Matt and Ryan both attended colleges out of town and I stayed local to attend an art college and I didn't see much of Matt thereafter. Ryan and I ended up breaking up not long after he started college. The long distance put too much of a strain on our relationship. Over the past 3 years I've seen both out at bars/clubs and what not and we sometimes talk and catch up.

The situation:
Several weeks ago I saw Matt at a bar that my friends and I were at. After several pass bys and glances later, we end up talking. I still find him attractive, so of course I do what most girls do best and flirt. Things seem to be going well and he says something about checking out the bars in Philly, which is close to where he now lives, but about 2 and a half hours from me. I agree and ask for his phone number, but we don't have access to a pen and paper so he gets my number instead and puts it into his phone. He tells me he'll call me so then I'll have his number in my phone. About 5 minutes after we leave he calls to give me his number (I take that as a good sign).

So, now the ball is in my court so to speak, but I'm retarded and have issues calling guys. (don't ask :no: :paranoid: ) It's been about a month since I saw him that night at the bar and I haven't called him yet. Here's where I need some male input: I don't really know him all that well and I've tossed around the idea of asking him if he would want to meet up some Saturday and hang out. I want to play it off as casual but still want him know I'm interested, by planning on going shopping at this big mall in the Philly area and seeing if he would want to meet up there.

The question:
As a guy do you think that this is a lame idea and more important, would you even give a girl a chance if she waited a month to call you?
I'm open for any suggestions.


(So much for short and simple, sorry guys)

[Racing Rice]

My thoughts...

If I was a guy, and I had any feelings for a girl that I had known for a while, I wouldnt care when she called. Hell, when I was single it was fun to go out with girl, friends or not! The only thing I can tell you is call him and see what he says. Worst case, he's busy. If you can, put the ball back in his court. That way if he doesnt call you back, it wasnt really meant to be.

[SolPol]

Call him :yes:

[V8killimports]

Well lets put it this way.. I dunno if it would be this way for you, but I liked a girl in my senior year in high school to the point I looked forward to school because I looked forward to seeing her. We talked, hung out once as friends with other people, but I never followed up. Eventually the school year ended, I went to college and I have not spoke to her/seen her since. It's now 9 years later and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and what could have happened which is the worse. If you are afraid of rejection, don't be.. don't regret the things you do, rather regret the things you don't do..

[cashizslick]

Originally posted by SolPol
Call him :yes:


Ya, call him up. Just be like, lets have coffe or something to catch up. . . .

[ChrisCantSkate]

i would... cause ive done that befpre

[maxwell_murder]

if i were u i wouldnt call him. if he doesnt have the decency to call u, like any gentleman would do, then he doesnt deserve to receive one. there is someone out there who will pursue a relationship better than this guy. just keep looking. good luck

[GT40FIED]

Oh just call him. Like you said, the ball is in your preverbial court. Think of the worst case scenario...he can't make it or he's otherwise involved...are you any worse off than you are now? As a guy, I can say I'd be flattered that a girl took the time to call. That said, if you broke up with your old bf due to to distance strains, I don't see how this is much different.

[spoogenet]

Originally posted by GT40FIED
Oh just call him. Like you said, the ball is in your preverbial court. Think of the worst case scenario...he can't make it or he's otherwise involved...are you any worse off than you are now? As a guy, I can say I'd be flattered that a girl took the time to call. That said, if you broke up with your old bf due to to distance strains, I don't see how this is much different.

What he said, word for word.

b

[black95gs-t]

Personally, I don't care how much time has gone by. If I am still single I would meet up with you 2 years later. Thats me though. By you calling him he will already know you are interested.
J

[HndaTch627]

i would let this one go, this is a high school crush coming back around, i am afraid you might not be thinking clearly on this one, let's face it 2 1/2 hours is a LONG distance relationship unless you aren't in it for a relationship

[V8killimports]

Originally posted by HndaTch627
i would let this one go, this is a high school crush coming back around, i am afraid you might not be thinking clearly on this one, let's face it 2 1/2 hours is a LONG distance relationship unless you aren't in it for a relationship

Yea and you could end up like me wondering for the next 9 years. What would it hurt? Nothing.

[IALuder]

youll never know untill to ask and it never hurts to ask.
:yes: :yes: call him :yes: :yes:

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Erin you already know how I feel about this situation....but I'll write it down for you just in case you forgot.


CALL HIM!!!!!!!!! He's a really nice guy (I should know I went to elementary school with him) and even if he's not interested in a relationship at this point, at least you'd have someone to hang out with other than me. *Just make sure he has some nice single friends ;) * I don't think he's gonna think you're stupid and dumb.


Guys one issue that she neglected to put in her post is----that she is concerned with the fact that she wants to hang out during the day....she would like to go out and hang out at the bars with him, but 2.5 hrs is a VERY long drive at 2am after being out at the bars and dancing and drinking. So, that would mean that most likely she'd have to stay at his place. Now we all know Erin isn't "that" kind of girl....so she feels like she'd be implying that she wants to spend the night if they went out like that. And she doesn't know him all that well.

Did any of that make sense???? For some reason it doesn't to me....so hopefully it does to you guys :paranoid: :dunce:

[IALuder]

i kinda get it.

who cares if he is nice and wants to be with her hell understand.

[silver]

if you're worried about the issue of staying at his place, bring a friend(of course that could imply 3-some) haha...

grow some balls and call him, just don't let him know that you grew them. you know advances in medicine and technology today can allow you to cover them up or something like that........

:rolleyes:

sorry ;)

you obviously want to call him or else you wouldn't be thinking about it one month later. you have nothing to lose other than some sleep on a saturday night, and you should be able to control the situation to where he will know if you staying at his place has any "reward" in it for him.

[V8killimports]

[i]
grow some balls and call him, just don't let him know that you grew them. [/B]


Please don't grow balls. Thank you.

[Whiteclipse99]

^^^ :D Don't worry, I wasn't planning on it.


Thanks guys for your advice! I think I will "grow some balls" or as my girl friends and I like to say sometimes "grow some boobs" and call him finally. I think there may be some interest there on his part, so I feel a little more confident in calling him. Hopefully everything will go well and if he does reject me, then so be it. Although it will hurt, I'll eventually get over it.

[HndaTch627]

Originally posted by V8killimports
Yea and you could end up like me wondering for the next 9 years. What would it hurt? Nothing. if you have spent 9 years waiting then you need to just move on


just my $.02

[V8killimports]

Originally posted by HndaTch627
if you have spent 9 years waiting then you need to just move on


just my $.02

Uh I have moved on.

[GeneralDzur]

Just wait...a gentleman (despite being in short supply) would've already called you. There are other guys out there...but if you really are attracted to him, then make sure of what you're doing because, like everyone noted, 2 1/2 hours is sort of a long commute...

- Dzur:)

[V8killimports]

Originally posted by GeneralDzur
Just wait...a gentleman (despite being in short supply) would've already called you.
- Dzur:)

not true

[silver]

Originally posted by V8killimports
not true

i concur

you like that word? ;)

[GT40FIED]

Originally posted by silver
i concur

you like that word? ;)

Yes...very much so. The idea that only a "gentleman" would call a girl is antiquated. If he gave his number to a girl with the assurance she'd call, it's all in the female's hands. Being a gentleman doesn't have anything to do with calling women back unless that's what you said you'd do. Being a gentleman is living by your word...not taking steps to undermine the independence of a female.

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by silver
i concur

you like that word? ;)




Somebody saw the movie Catch Me If You Can :hmmm: :)

[SolPol]

Do you concur doctor?

[DsBlu01CivEX]

So Erin...have you called him yet???

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
So Erin...have you called him yet???


Ummmmm.....yes :paranoid: No, no I haven't! :banghead: I think I'm going to call him tonight. I know.....I'm retarded. :help:

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
Ummmmm.....yes :paranoid: No, no I haven't! :banghead: I think I'm going to call him tonight. I know.....I'm retarded. :help:

If you don't call him tonight, then I'm not going to go out at all this weekend unless you pay for everything.

My goodness Erin....you gotta stop making excuses not to call him. I can understand last weekend since it was Valentine's Day and all....but what about the 2 weeks prior to that????? I know that I don't really have the room to ride you on this one cuz I hate calling people as much as you do....but I'll at least call a guy when I'm interested in him. Just can't find any that I'm interested in right now:|


DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[silver]

god it's been so long since u talked to him i can see the convo already.

"hello"
"hi, this is erin."
"who?"

all downhill from there. :no:

[cashizslick]

Originally posted by HndaTch627
if you have spent 9 years waiting then you need to just move on


just my $.02


hey dont sweat it - it sux when you give ur heart away and it doesnt come back . . .

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Originally posted by silver
god it's been so long since u talked to him i can see the convo already.

"hello"
"hi, this is erin."
"who?"

all downhill from there. :no:


hahahahaha soooo true....oh by the way....she still hasn't called him. (she won't)

[PeterV1228]

First, he should have called you.

Second, he lives.. over 2 hours away from you? Isn't this why your last relationship ended?


EDIT! p.s. - girls are so fucking stupid. havne't they learned yet that guys will fuck almost ANY WOMAN given the chance?!!??!!? Why would this girl be sitting there contemplating calling this guy. If the guy rejects her, he is either married or gay. There is no reason why she would not call.

[GT40FIED]

^^ Wow...how remarkably inappropriate. First of all, let go of all the bullshit you think you know about how men should always call women. I, for one, would LOVE to see a woman take some initiative and make that first call. Shows some backbone and definitely shows interest. And if you are willing to fuck almost any woman given the chance, I pity you greatly. Sorry...I'm not married or gay but I refuse to fuck anything that moves. Women are NOT your little fucking play toys...they've got brains too...my guess is most have sizeably more than yourself. Pigeonholing men and women into these little categories of yours serves no purpose but to belittle us all. You do realize that relationships are not solely based upon sex, right? Some are...and those are fun but the ultimately important ones are not (at least not completely...good sex life is always healthy). I did, however, get a good chuckle out of the fact that, after reading such a blatantly ignorant post you had the stones to call WOMEN stupid. It's guys like you who make me ashamed to be a man.

[V8killimports]

Originally posted by PeterV1228
First, he should have called you.

Second, he lives.. over 2 hours away from you? Isn't this why your last relationship ended?


EDIT! p.s. - girls are so fucking stupid. havne't they learned yet that guys will fuck almost ANY WOMAN given the chance?!!??!!? Why would this girl be sitting there contemplating calling this guy. If the guy rejects her, he is either married or gay. There is no reason why she would not call.

Again try to make it to 10 posts before making yourself look like a total cockgobbler.

[SolPol]

Yeah, I waited for 1000 myself. Just my own personal benchmark :yes:

[GeneralDzur]

I've had it with romance and relationships...the last one didn't turn out so well, and now I'm going to....um...pour my life into school and cars...I guess.:paranoid: Two - no, three - years of getting to know someone, only to end up...well, you know the story. I guess God has someone better in mind, or maybe I'll become a Eunuch.

- Dzur

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
I'm going to try to make this as short and simple as possible as not to bore anyone and because I know how short a man's attention span can be sometimes. No offense gentlemen.


The background:
I had a thing for this guy Matt I worked with at my first job during our senior year of high school, which was 5 yrs ago. Innocent crush, so I never pursued anything or even told him I liked him. Then I ended up meeting one of his good friends, Ryan, that he went to high school with and I ended up dating Ryan for about a year. After our senior year, Matt and Ryan both attended colleges out of town and I stayed local to attend an art college and I didn't see much of Matt thereafter. Ryan and I ended up breaking up not long after he started college. The long distance put too much of a strain on our relationship. Over the past 3 years I've seen both out at bars/clubs and what not and we sometimes talk and catch up.

The situation:
Several weeks ago I saw Matt at a bar that my friends and I were at. After several pass bys and glances later, we end up talking. I still find him attractive, so of course I do what most girls do best and flirt. Things seem to be going well and he says something about checking out the bars in Philly, which is close to where he now lives, but about 2 and a half hours from me. I agree and ask for his phone number, but we don't have access to a pen and paper so he gets my number instead and puts it into his phone. He tells me he'll call me so then I'll have his number in my phone. About 5 minutes after we leave he calls to give me his number (I take that as a good sign).

So, now the ball is in my court so to speak, but I'm retarded and have issues calling guys. (don't ask :no: :paranoid: ) It's been about a month since I saw him that night at the bar and I haven't called him yet. Here's where I need some male input: I don't really know him all that well and I've tossed around the idea of asking him if he would want to meet up some Saturday and hang out. I want to play it off as casual but still want him know I'm interested, by planning on going shopping at this big mall in the Philly area and seeing if he would want to meet up there.

The question:
As a guy do you think that this is a lame idea and more important, would you even give a girl a chance if she waited a month to call you?
I'm open for any suggestions.


(So much for short and simple, sorry guys)



Just an update....well, I screwed up and lost any chance I had. I never called him because I'm a dumb ass and chickened out. :banghead: I actually just saw him this past Friday night at the same bar and he was with a girl. :no: I know he saw me but neither one of us said anything to the other. My reason was because I'm embarrassed and feel guilty that I didn't call him. I'm such an idiot.

[cashizslick]

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
Just an update....well, I screwed up and lost any chance I had. I never called him because I'm a dumb ass and chickened out. :banghead: I actually just saw him this past Friday night at the same bar and he was with a girl. :no: I know he saw me but neither one of us said anything to the other. My reason was because I'm embarrassed and feel guilty that I didn't call him. I'm such an idiot.


Its not your fault. Sometimes, we do all we are able to do and still lose. At least you are not in my shoes . . . . . life is a lot better when your biggest goal is more than hoping to get hit by a falling anvil.

Listen, you are attractive, smart, and from the posts i have read you seem to have a great, fun, and exciting personality - remember those things and hold your head high.

[Kyle]

well...i don't agree with cash on this one...i actually think it's all your fault...and you might have had a chance at happiness with this guy....now you'll never know..

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by Kyle
well...i don't agree with cash on this one...i actually think it's all your fault...and you might have had a chance at happiness with this guy....now you'll never know..


I agree, it is my fault and I have no one to blame but myself. Believe me I'm kicking myself in the butt for that one.

[cashizslick]

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
I agree, it is my fault and I have no one to blame but myself. Believe me I'm kicking myself in the butt for that one.


You cannot kick yourself for things that didnt go your way in the past - if you do, then how on earth will you ever move forward in life?

If it was MEANT to be, then either you would have called him, or he would have called you . . . . . . . but, since that has not happened, you cannot and should not let this get you down.

Just move on and have a good time. The next time you see him out, smile and say hi - then walk away.

[Whiteclipse99]

^^^ Thanks....even though it was my own fault, you make me feel a little better. :)

[GT40FIED]

Just to clarify...nothing out there is meant to be. There are only those things that you make happen. A girl came into my work the other day and wanted a book for a nursing exam. While I'm getting it for her she starts telling me that god told her that she was supposed to apply at UMKC (local college) but once she found out she could afford it that god led her to KU. Now...I don't know if she's just a moron or if she can't accept any of her own responsibility, but it was all I could do to keep from smacking her. The moral: Don't ever rely on things to be predetermined. The fact that you didn't call him tells me that it wasn't a top priority for you in the first place. If it was, you would have called no matter how nervous or whatever you were. So simply take solice in knowing you didn't want it as bad as you thought you did.

[cashizslick]

Originally posted by GT40FIED
Don't ever rely on things to be predetermined. The fact that you didn't call him tells me that it wasn't a top priority for you in the first place. If it was, you would have called no matter how nervous or whatever you were. So simply take solice in knowing you didn't want it as bad as you thought you did.

Maybe she was predetermined NOT to call him [works both ways].

Just cause something doesnt go your way doesnt mean that things are not predetermined - fate's not exactly your friend in life you know. . .

[SolPol]

Ain't no mystical force that controls me pal :cool:

I paraphrase of course.

[Jessy]

I don't think any of us have the right to take someone's relationship with god and critique it, no matter how silly it may seem to us. Usually if a person has a faith to speak of, they have a few thoughts and beliefs about predestination.
I'm not sure if I agree with what that girl buying her book said but I guess I'd just nod and smile. I mean, what do you say to that?!

as as for her not calling him...maybe it will work out better for her that way. maybe she'll be single to meet the man of her dreams or something, i don't know. that's the thing...NONE of us know.
all i can say is that life is short and regret is a waste of time. she didn't call him, it's over and done. time to move on. :)

[SolPol]

To paraphrase another movie, Van Wilder this time:

Regret is like a rocking chair, it may give ya something to do for a while, but it doesn't get you anywhere :yes:

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by SolPol
To paraphrase another movie, Van Wilder this time:

Regret is like a rocking chair, it may give ya something to do for a while, but it doesn't get you anywhere :yes:



I love that movie!! A lot of good lines in that one.

[SolPol]

And the grossest scene ever.

I don't think I've eaten an eclair since I saw that movie. And I saw it in the theater.

[GT40FIED]

Originally posted by Jessy
I don't think any of us have the right to take someone's relationship with god and critique it, no matter how silly it may seem to us. Usually if a person has a faith to speak of, they have a few thoughts and beliefs about predestination.
I'm not sure if I agree with what that girl buying her book said but I guess I'd just nod and smile. I mean, what do you say to that?!

Everyone has the right to critique anything they want...it's actually the very first point of the constitution. If you mean morally...I still disagree. I can talk all the shit I want about that girl or any other persons like her and they can do the same about me and as long as no one lies it's all good. In my eyes her ideals were absolutely ridiculous and people who act like that lack any sense of personal responsibility. Everything happens because "god" wants it to and not because of anything they did or did not do. It's just fucking sad. I mean damnit...own up to something for a change. But that's way OT.

Cash...I suppose you're right...those who believe in fate know it ain't always your friend. It's a double edged sword but, again, looking at it that way strips you of any personal accountability. Whether it's fate or "god" you attribute things to, it's still all dependent on your own actions or inactions.

[biker's back]

If it took you this long to give me a call I'd think it takes you along time to make choices and I wouldnt be up for waiting another month after the first phone call to go out on a date. I wouldn't btoher calling him, I'd move faster with the next one.