I wish I were this witty sometimes [Archive]

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DsBlu01CivEX

11-24-2003, 07:01 PM

I was cruising at my usual speed (i.e., 10 mph over
the limit), I passed over a bridge only to find a cop
with a radar gun the other side laying in wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with
that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love,
asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And
just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then
I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then
four, then with my whole hand in I work side to side
until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but
surely stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass
hole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun
and park him behind a bridge....."

Traffic Ticket: $195.00

Court Costs: $45.00

The look on that cop's face: PRICELESS!!

pdiggitydogg

11-24-2003, 07:20 PM

good joke
bad ticket
I hate the man

VR4_Craver

11-24-2003, 07:35 PM

Originally posted by pdiggitydogg
good joke
bad ticket
I hate the man

Lol damn the man maybe??:yes:

pdiggitydogg

11-24-2003, 08:07 PM

damn right, damn the man!
crazy po-po's......

Shot 2 Hel

11-24-2003, 08:09 PM

did you really do that LMAO :D

ebpda9

11-24-2003, 08:27 PM

LMFAO, nice joke

94_AcCoRd_EX

11-24-2003, 09:19 PM

Ahahaha :D

DsBlu01CivEX

11-24-2003, 09:23 PM

Originally posted by Shot 2 Hel
did you really do that LMAO :D

I wish!!!!! Especially the last time I was pulled over. It happened like 2 months ago or something like that....Got a $104 damn ticket for doing a U-turn. Why can't PA be normal and legalize U-turns like every other damn state???? stupid cop!

ChrisCantSkate

11-24-2003, 09:25 PM

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
I was cruising at my usual speed (i.e., 10 mph over
the limit), I passed over a bridge only to find a cop
with a radar gun the other side laying in wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with
that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love,
asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And
just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then
I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then
four, then with my whole hand in I work side to side
until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but
surely stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass
hole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun
and park him behind a bridge....."

Traffic Ticket: $195.00

Court Costs: $45.00

The look on that cop's face: PRICELESS!!

hahahaha... omg thats great

B16DoHcCrx033003

11-24-2003, 10:12 PM

my parents called the cops on me i think it was 2 nights ago and i knew the cop (got me introuble a lot of times) i told him to suck my dick twice lol :)

mylittlecivic

11-25-2003, 01:25 AM

lol that joke was hillarious, i never pulled a prank on a cop but one time i got pulled over the cop took mine and my sisters liscences. she had been sleeping int he back and i wasnt supposed to be driving after midnight but when he came back from running his checks he gave me her liscence and told me to give mine to her he was all screwed up we dont even look that much alike but i was relieved

HndaTch627

11-25-2003, 02:35 AM

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
I wish!!!!! Especially the last time I was pulled over. It happened like 2 months ago or something like that....Got a $104 damn ticket for doing a U-turn. Why can't PA be normal and legalize U-turns like every other damn state???? stupid cop! why PA police don't drive??

http://www.hpphoto.com/servlet/LinkPhoto?GUID=96d63723-715b-77f5-626d-76ac4bce6950&size=
http://www.hpphoto.com/servlet/LinkPhoto?GUID=4baa7dd3-2060-6d2d-2432-648c2a7424fa&size=

ebpda9

11-25-2003, 08:19 AM

Originally posted by HndaTch627
why PA police don't drive??

http://www.hpphoto.com/servlet/LinkPhoto?GUID=96d63723-715b-77f5-626d-76ac4bce6950&size=
http://www.hpphoto.com/servlet/LinkPhoto?GUID=4baa7dd3-2060-6d2d-2432-648c2a7424fa&size=

lmfao

cashizslick

11-25-2003, 10:57 AM

what a tool

SolPol

11-25-2003, 11:18 AM

Originally posted by B16DoHcCrx033003
my parents called the cops on me i think it was 2 nights ago and i knew the cop (got me introuble a lot of times) i told him to suck my dick twice lol :)

So many things to be proud of in that sentence :rolleyes:

ChrisCantSkate

11-25-2003, 12:35 PM

HndaTch627

11-25-2003, 02:41 PM

Originally posted by SolPol
So many things to be proud of in that sentence :rolleyes: my $.02 exactly...really we are all glad you have turned out the way you did

DumbMoFo

11-25-2003, 10:46 PM

Interstate 80 I think (the construction looks familiar).

Female driver, do you expect any less?

(puts on flame suit)

Shot 2 Hel

11-30-2003, 12:36 AM

bet that made her day haha