Wren57
09-10-2003, 01:11 PM
I know I know, this is stupid but what the hell. It is just english comp 101 at U of Alabama, so no biggie, just want some feedback other than the fvcktard idiots in my class... thanks
the assignment was 750 words description of something, and to try and avoid too much of a narrative- please be honest/harsh in your critique or it wont help- thanks again
I step onto the splintered boardwalk and suddenly I feel as though I am truly on the beach and no longer just wishing I was there. The boards creak and give under my feet, as they bend under the stress of my weight. There is some water left on the boards from dripping beach-goers as they walk back to their rooms. The water quickly dries as the hot sun beats down, further drying out the already parched wood. A sea turtle reservation rests on both sides of the boardwalk, providing a safe place for them to breed. The untouched reservations hold beautiful tall grass stalks, shrubbery, and several smaller trees. The tracks from the baby turtles are still visible; they must have just recently hatched. Looking closer, some small eggshells can be seen half buried under the sand. I continue my walk to the beach, starting to see more and more sand and more of the ocean. The first step onto the beach awakens my senses to the paradise around me.
The sweet smell of salt, combined with sand and greenery, is a remarkable contrast from the stuffy air conditioning of the hotel I left behind. The cool breeze floating over the ocean and onto the sand is incredibly refreshing against the unrelenting sun. The hot sand is firm, rising above and between my toes as I walk across it. It is very grainy and dry, another product of the torturous sun. The sand reflects as much light as the sun puts out, leaving me very thankful to have sunglasses. Looking away from the sand, I peer upwards.
I look into the sky and see multiple birds flying around, some solo and some with other birds. Gulls dive into the wide expanse of the ocean, trying to catch small fish for food, but to no avail. No sooner after they come out of the ocean do they rise again, only to plunge back down, this time deeper into the water in hopes of a meal. Pelicans flock in groups, seemingly aimless as they fly up and down the beach constantly. Every once in a while a majestic blue heron glides along the horizon and lands on the beach, looking as though it controls its surroundings and has everything figured out. Looking down at the heron I see the truly vast expanse of the ocean.
The ocean is so large and expansive that I can see the curvature of the earth in the distant tides. I can see a large ocean liner and several oil rigs in the distance, reminding me that I am still in a city and not entirely in nature. The tide is rough today, white capping the waves in the ocean, and slamming huge tides against the ocean, only to suck the water back off the beach and swell up again for another round of attack. There is a small school of fish swimming in circles a few feet out into the surf, dodging the dive-bombing gulls. The waves throw thousands of small shells onto the shore, creating a coloring book style line separating the ocean from the beach. A little girl runs about collecting the more intricate shells.
There are people dotting the beach as far as the eye can see. Tents are set up, coolers opened, chairs strewn and towels laid out. Some people even have radios on the beach, seemingly defeating the quiet calming effect of the ocean. Children build sand castles with their shovels and pales, only to have them demolished at night with the high tide, but they don’t care; they just want to build castles. An old man sits up from under his umbrella and puts some suntan lotion on his legs. A woman turns over on her towel, removing her top to avoid tan lines on her back. The sounds of people talking and children playing complete the effect of the beach; it is a place of serenity and happiness. Away from the bustles of the city only a few hundred feet away, I feel free from everything. There is no longer a boss or a job to go to; no longer a car payment, and what I eat for dinner is suddenly not a concern. I am on the beach with my girl and a cold daiquiri. Suddenly nothing else matters, as all I have to think about is that I am happy.
the assignment was 750 words description of something, and to try and avoid too much of a narrative- please be honest/harsh in your critique or it wont help- thanks again
I step onto the splintered boardwalk and suddenly I feel as though I am truly on the beach and no longer just wishing I was there. The boards creak and give under my feet, as they bend under the stress of my weight. There is some water left on the boards from dripping beach-goers as they walk back to their rooms. The water quickly dries as the hot sun beats down, further drying out the already parched wood. A sea turtle reservation rests on both sides of the boardwalk, providing a safe place for them to breed. The untouched reservations hold beautiful tall grass stalks, shrubbery, and several smaller trees. The tracks from the baby turtles are still visible; they must have just recently hatched. Looking closer, some small eggshells can be seen half buried under the sand. I continue my walk to the beach, starting to see more and more sand and more of the ocean. The first step onto the beach awakens my senses to the paradise around me.
The sweet smell of salt, combined with sand and greenery, is a remarkable contrast from the stuffy air conditioning of the hotel I left behind. The cool breeze floating over the ocean and onto the sand is incredibly refreshing against the unrelenting sun. The hot sand is firm, rising above and between my toes as I walk across it. It is very grainy and dry, another product of the torturous sun. The sand reflects as much light as the sun puts out, leaving me very thankful to have sunglasses. Looking away from the sand, I peer upwards.
I look into the sky and see multiple birds flying around, some solo and some with other birds. Gulls dive into the wide expanse of the ocean, trying to catch small fish for food, but to no avail. No sooner after they come out of the ocean do they rise again, only to plunge back down, this time deeper into the water in hopes of a meal. Pelicans flock in groups, seemingly aimless as they fly up and down the beach constantly. Every once in a while a majestic blue heron glides along the horizon and lands on the beach, looking as though it controls its surroundings and has everything figured out. Looking down at the heron I see the truly vast expanse of the ocean.
The ocean is so large and expansive that I can see the curvature of the earth in the distant tides. I can see a large ocean liner and several oil rigs in the distance, reminding me that I am still in a city and not entirely in nature. The tide is rough today, white capping the waves in the ocean, and slamming huge tides against the ocean, only to suck the water back off the beach and swell up again for another round of attack. There is a small school of fish swimming in circles a few feet out into the surf, dodging the dive-bombing gulls. The waves throw thousands of small shells onto the shore, creating a coloring book style line separating the ocean from the beach. A little girl runs about collecting the more intricate shells.
There are people dotting the beach as far as the eye can see. Tents are set up, coolers opened, chairs strewn and towels laid out. Some people even have radios on the beach, seemingly defeating the quiet calming effect of the ocean. Children build sand castles with their shovels and pales, only to have them demolished at night with the high tide, but they don’t care; they just want to build castles. An old man sits up from under his umbrella and puts some suntan lotion on his legs. A woman turns over on her towel, removing her top to avoid tan lines on her back. The sounds of people talking and children playing complete the effect of the beach; it is a place of serenity and happiness. Away from the bustles of the city only a few hundred feet away, I feel free from everything. There is no longer a boss or a job to go to; no longer a car payment, and what I eat for dinner is suddenly not a concern. I am on the beach with my girl and a cold daiquiri. Suddenly nothing else matters, as all I have to think about is that I am happy.