TerKel00
03-11-2003, 03:37 PM
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm
having Social Security sex." "Social Security
sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a
little each month, but not enough
to live on!"
LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
he lets out this ear splitting
yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's
completely natural. I don't see what
the problem is." "The problem is," she
complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right
out and asked his wife during a
recent lovemaking session, "How come you never
tell me when you have an
orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and
replied, "You're never home!"
CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his
"manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that
modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't
cover the surgery, since it
was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the
cost would be $3,500 for
"small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would
want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
to talk it over with his wife
before he made any decision. The man called
his wife on the phone and
explained their options. The doctor came back
into the room, and found the
man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two
of you decided?" asked the
doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather
remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX: A husband and his wife
had a bitter quarrel
on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The
husband yells, "When you
die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As
Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At
Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOR: My husband came home with a tube
of K Y jelly and said,
"This will make you happy tonight." He was
right. When he went out of the
bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back in.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am
going to make you the happiest
woman in the world." The woman says.....
"I'll miss you."
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm
having Social Security sex." "Social Security
sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a
little each month, but not enough
to live on!"
LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
he lets out this ear splitting
yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's
completely natural. I don't see what
the problem is." "The problem is," she
complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right
out and asked his wife during a
recent lovemaking session, "How come you never
tell me when you have an
orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and
replied, "You're never home!"
CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his
"manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that
modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't
cover the surgery, since it
was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the
cost would be $3,500 for
"small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would
want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
to talk it over with his wife
before he made any decision. The man called
his wife on the phone and
explained their options. The doctor came back
into the room, and found the
man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two
of you decided?" asked the
doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather
remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX: A husband and his wife
had a bitter quarrel
on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The
husband yells, "When you
die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As
Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At
Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOR: My husband came home with a tube
of K Y jelly and said,
"This will make you happy tonight." He was
right. When he went out of the
bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back in.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am
going to make you the happiest
woman in the world." The woman says.....
"I'll miss you."